Calling It!

Consider the 1932 World Series, in the fifth inning of game three, when Babe Ruth called his shot. That’s the man who knows what he’s doing. If it was me I would have walked up, tapped my baseball stick on the soles of my sport shoes, dead-eyed the pitcher, looked out over the cheering crowd and pointed directly at the catcher’s mitt. Called it!
I know my limits. I know that if you’re going to call a shot, you better fucking nail it. This is clearly something that escaped a few people at Up & Under last night. I can only imagine the eye-rolling and looks of skepticism on Lewis and Andy’s faces when they found out one team was named Last Place. These MFers thought they were calling it.
Well surprise, Last Place, this Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia and we’re not too keen on big shots. You think you can walk in, lay claim to last place and be good. No way. Now, perhaps Last Place was thinking they’ve got this one wrapped up because certainly they were going to tank the last 4 categories and SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT would move into second to last place. But no. SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT stood up and walked right out. Securing last place for themselves, and assuring Last Place would be the fools. Those are the kind of moves that make a champion.
Anyway, SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT ended the night with 13 points, Last Place had three times that, with 39 and Who Pooped In the Pool closed it out with 45. Bowser-Domino remains in the hunt. Last night, their 67 points put them on the podium, but they were just short of second place. THE Whispering Goat Whores banged down 69 points. And the winners, a force to be dealt with that is turning into a dynasty, it was Three Guys on a Fact Hunt. They had 86 points.
Perhaps Last Place should come back next week and play under the name Not Winners.

 

Shooting From The Hip

The Company Brewing crowd is committed. 100%. More heart than a Juggalo. Which reminds me, Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia is totally willing to take this show on the road for the Gathering of the Juggalos in beautiful Oklahoma City.
 
Anyway, the Company Brewing teams rolled into last night’s show completely blind. I was in Chicago to attend the National Confectioners Association Sweets and Snacks Expo and pre-diabetes accelerator, and had to make a last minute request for Elle Pea to put up a post.
 
Regardless, teams still showed up. Teams like Some Degree of Kevin Bacon and Gilmore Girls With Low Self Esteem, who scored 24 and 32 points respectively. Mush came out hot and put up 35. But they were bested by the likes of Chef Demogordon Ramsey and Penta-Graham Crackers, who both put 36 points on the score sheet. Smooth by Santana Featuring Rob Thomas of Matchbox 20 crawled out from whatever toilet of trivia they’ve been playing since The Hotel Foster shut down and finished with a strong middle of 37 points. Das Tunnel Snakes ended the night with 47 points, just off the leaders’ board.
 
Another team that rolled back the stone and resurrected themselves like an oversleeping Jesus, was the Reclusive Wankers. They walked in, slapped 53 points on the table and walked out with third place. 62 points and The Poor Taste in Naming trophy went to Was That Chris Cornell Hanging Around Begging For Ativan? Interesting fact about The Poor Taste in Naming trophy: It’s just a 17-inch Asus tablet, with a .gif, or .gif however you pronounce it, of a hand making a jerk off motion with the words “get over it” in huge type with heavy drop shadow. It’s a fantastic piece and can be seen in the trophy case on the south end of the lobby at Wisconsin Hardest Trivia Global Headquarters and Rap Emporium.
 
Finally, the win last night went to the team some have come to know as Tits & Giggles, but is now being recorded as Pratik and the Dead Weight. They won the evening with 70 points. Not bad work, Pratik.
 
Now we get to see if the teams at the Up & Under fare any better. Will they be able to put get it together and crush categories like Constitutional Law, the History of Peru and Empire Records? We’ll find out tonight thanks to Celebrity Guest Host Andy Berg and Lewis, the man who is leading the research into retinal scrape, or visual fry, which is really just old people finding some reason to criticize the way young women look.
The show starts tonight at 7pm. Be there.

CLITERATURE

Writing recaps of trivia shows I don’t attend can be tricky. I know very little the teams at Company Brewing, except that I’m pretty sure Tits & Giggles would cut my throat given the chance. And they would probably use a rusty-ass razor blade they found in the gutter, because they live in Riverwest and that’s just how things are there. As for the Tuesday night show, I don’t even know if the Up & Under is a real place. I think I’ve met Lewis and Andy, but then again, I have a memory of sitting on a camel when I was very young. No one else in my family can corroborate this story. Let me take it a bit further, I think I was in shopping center parking lot.

So now I’m writing recaps for a show in Madison that I wasn’t even at. Everything seems pretty normal, Hannah showed up so Mooney, Wormtail, Padfoot & Prongs won with 111 points. And yeah, Neal of Fortune nabbed second with 93 points. Then there was Clever Girl in third with 68. Close Encounters of the Spoony Bards put 61 points on the board and Kitty Kitty Meow Meow eked out 58 points.

But real question I have about last night’s show is, WHO IS CLITERATURE AND WHY HAS NO TEAM USED THAT NAME BEFORE? That’s some primeau naming right there. Shout out them and their 66 points.

It all starts over next week, so play it cool until then. Maybe step up your naming game. I’m talking to you, Gilmore Girls Gone Wild.  

Texas Don’t Want You Anyway

 

If there is one thing we’ve learned from the crowd at the Up & Under, it’s that Texas isn’t for everyone. The disconnect become most clear when the teams there had to run through ten categories not really even tangentially related to the trivia they know and love, or at least seem to like.

The teams at the Up & Under show up, week after week, not for the broken promise of some other host in serape, or to hear about the time some dad in salmon chinos roasted me in an elevator for 19 floors because I was wearing the exact same pair of sunniegees as his 12-year-old daughter. They come to hear the ranting and raving of Celebrity Guest Host Andy Berg. They want to hear the wisecracks from Lewis, the astronomer who was with Vera Rubin when she confirmed the existence of dark matter in the 1970s, but Lewis, back then, he was a party boy and he said, “Dark matter, more like don’t matter”, then he dropped the needle a MC5 record and trashed the place. Heavy times for sure.

It’s antics like that, people have come to expect at the Up & Under shows. So it’s no wonder 3 Guys on a Fact Hunt walked away with a win last night after only scoring 63 points. Or that Whispering Goat Whores would only score 59 points, and still be good enough for second place. And Bowser Domino, moving up in the world to third place. They still only scored 56 points, because, frankly, they don’t give a fuck about Texas. As for The Stallions, while they may seem to have a western-themed name, these MFers weren’t in the place to learn about Texas. No, no. They came to win and instead they left with 22 points.

Of course there is always going to be the outlier. You would know this if you spent 10,000 hours reading Malcolm Gladwell books. And Who Pooped in the Pool seems to be that outlier in this situation. They scored 52 points playing Texas trivia, and that’s four times as many points as they have ever scored before.

 

The good news is, it’s all back to normal next week.

The Texas Train Rolls On

It’s been brought to my attention Nick was not wearing a serape at Company Brewing last night. It’s like he’s already forgotten about the Lone Star state. Fortunately, Clementines from Madison created this drawing, demonstrating one way to wear such a fine garment.
 
Before we get too deep into the trivia recap from last night, I want to point out the title of the song is “Luckenbach, Texas”. It seems when Pratik was going back to the basics of love, he went too far and dropped the Texas part, which parked him safely at 101 on the night. Which much must hurt somewhere down deep, because that cost the single Tit & Giggle the second solo win of his career. First place went to the team that racked up 102 points.
 
That team was Bible Camp David Koresh, and I don’t think I need to mention that they clearly get it. Mommas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow up to be Demogorgons get it as well. And they finished in 3 places with 91 points. I’m also going to have Nick tip his formal cowboy hat to Some Degree of Kevin Bacon (assuming that is a reference to I Love Dick, which is set in Marfa) and TGS of Beerology, because they kind of understand the ridiculousness of a theme night.
 
Anyway, Gilmore Girls Gone Wild ended up in fourth place with 90 points. Das Tunnelsnakes closed out the night with 76 points. The Brewmaster’s Circle Jerk had 44, The aforementioned Kevin Bacon players had 40, and TGS of Beerology overloaded their team, as usual, and ended up with 34 points.
 
Now it’s time to bring the Texas show to the Up & Under which I’m sure will make no sense to most of the people in attendance. But that’s fine, Celebrity Guest Host Andy Berg and Lewis, the fifth Highwayman who was cut from the group after everyone else decided a verse beginning with “I was barista, frothing milk in the mornin’…” was not nearly as relatable as a bandit, a sailor, a dam builder or Matthew McConaughey’s character in Intersteller, will be there to guide you through the 50 questions. As always there will be drinks and jokes and prizes. All you need to do is show up by 7pm

Company Brewing Texas Style

Hey-o Milwaukee, tonight it’s your chance to play some Texas Trivia. I’m super excited for you all to get there. It will be 6:55, maybe 6:57, and Nick will be nowhere to be found. Sure the show will be all set up, answer sheets and Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia pens will out for everyone. But where is the host? Then there will be a rustling in the corner and Nick will emerge from where he was crouched down, covered by his fresh serrape, casual cowboy hat pulled down low. He must be tired from all that traveling, trying to make it to trivia on time. And you all thought that was just a pile of old blankets.

That will be the last bit of fun you will have tonight, because, I hate to tell you this, Nick is going to win trivia tonight. I know this because after spending an entire week with Nick, I’ve learned: Nick only wins. We played dice, and I mean we played a lot of dice. Slowly, over 3 nights, Nick took all of Keith’s money and a fair portion of mine. Then we played arcade basketball. Nick won every game. There was even a game where I sunk 27 shots in a row. Nick still won that one by three points. And we played both the Spurs and the Rockets version of the game. It didn’t matter. Big Buck Hunter? Nick won. Skee-ball? Nick won. We played this ridiculous shooting gallery game where the max score was 20,000 and everyone scored 20,000. By the end, Nick scored 20,001. He even came out on top playing shipping roulette.

About the only game Nick didn’t win was the seat-heater game, but no one wins when that game gets played in Texas. And for what it’s worth, Audi, you need to get rid of the audible *click* indicating when the hot seats get turned on.
So, if you think you can finally beat Nick, at like, anything, or if you just want to see his new hat, boots and serrape, I suggest you get to Company Brewing. You might do well to know as much as you possible you can about TGS of Texas. If you’re looking for category clues, consider Texas State Parks, songs about Texas, Big Bend National Park and the instagram accounts of @mifunetoshiro and @slashgreg. The show starts tonight at 7pm. Be there.

Texas Night in Madison

A million thanks to Anjali who held down the Madison show while I guzzling Lone Stars by the dozen. Everyone said she has a great host, and one person claimed she did a better job than I do. That person won’t be coming back.

Anyway the crowd was fresh. All the Texans I expected to see were in the house. And a few were even wearing Texas tees which had me stoked. Of course, the teams without a resident Texan where not nearly as excited about an all-Texas night. But I guess that is on them. If the Milwaukee crowds were smart they would quickly launch a Texas outreach program to collect a few friends from the lone star state for their teams.

On to the scores. Bitch Planet was in the house last night and neither of them we’re really happy about what was going down last night. They ended up with 41 points. Then it was Clementines, and I’m not sure about their onboard Texan status, but someone on that team was wearing a Texas tee. It didn’t help much as they still ended the night with 53 points. At 60 points, it was Clever Girl (a 50% Texan team). Something tells me they are going to want redemption. And at 74 points it was Don’t Mess with The Spoony Bards (25% Texan). They’ve been on the upswing with the names as of late, but this one was also on-theme, so cheers to them.

Just ahead of them it was Moony & Co who lost a few points because they had everyone on their team. They were rolling with no real Texans to my knowledge, but at least one former Austin resident, so that’s something I guess. At 87 points it was Neal of Fortune (20% Texan, until Caitlin’s entire fam showed up, dropping knowledge about Birdman like nbd). And last night, for their first win ever, if was Zaney Little Bitch (aka kitty kitty meow meow aka Meow That’s What We Call Trivia Vol 2). They put up 91 points without a single Texan, but apparently Jeremy spent a lot of time in Big Bend when his van broke down there a few years ago. Whatever wins you the trivia night, you know.
Additional Notes: Caitlin, mentioned above, is getting her PhD this weekend (I really hope its a PhD, or I’m going to feel like a jerk). She’s supplied a vast majority of the sketches I’ve used for these trivia updates over the past year. And Neil, who has single handedly brought more people into the trivia fold than all of my efforts combined is having a birthday this weekend. So congrats to both of you. Hooray for the trivia crew.

Tales of Texas: Part 1

Photo courtesy of Kathleen and Travis

It’s hard to say what I learned in Texas. We saw so many things, went to all sorts of places and drove around a lot. Texas is massive. I think in time it will all settle in and I will be better able to explain what I learned. Until then, consider these points:

  • When a man named Glen tells you, “You’re about to have a fucking experience”. You need to know, you have no idea how hot it’s about to get.
  • Nick is very picky about the fit of a serrape.
  • Nick’s the best at everything, we get it.
  • The land between full veganism and a carnivorous lifestyle is lonely and stinks of farts.
  • Not a whole lot of family vacations in Pecos.

Apart from that first one, I really wouldn’t consider any of those to be a life lesson.

But more importantly this marks the first night of our full texas trivia show. Now, I’m sure a few of you will probably be thinking, I’m from Texas, I got this one wrapped up. Well not so fast. Ask yourself, “How many illegal border crossings have I made in one day? How many gallons of gas have I sprayed all willy-nilly on the side of an Audi in Pecos? And how many days have you spent wandering the desert, looking for a man with a keytar?

This trivia is essentially Texas as Nick, Keith and I experienced. And, as we learned on this trip, just because you were born in the dojo doesn’t mean you’re ready to fight. In hopes that anyone scores any points at all, I suggest you spend a little time covering Texas State Parks, Songs about Texas, Big Bend National Park and the instagram accounts of @mifunetoshiro and @slashgreg.

I’ll be back in action at Glass Nickel Pizza on Atwood tonight. I will regale you with stories of the Lone Star state. Of course, Jake will be tossing out drinks and there will be prizes. All you need to do is show up and answer the questions correctly. The show starts at 7pm.

See you then.

Mayday!

Alright Trivia-ist, consider this your post for the next couple weeks, because I’ve got some vacationing to do. But that doesn’t mean Nick isn’t going to be running the show tonight at Company Brewing, putting all of Riverwest on blast. Nor does that mean Andy and Lewis aren’t going to be telling people what’s what at the Up & Under on Tuesday night. And Anjali is holding down the fort, schoolin fools at the Glass Nickel on Thursday. So there is plenty of trivia this week and next.

If you’re headed to a trivia show this week, I think it would be best to know a few things about Ikea furniture. You’ll also want to know your shit about skyscrapers and geology, but not necessarily together. Your get what I’m saying, right? Good. Great. Grand.

And again, for those who care to follow along on the unofficial Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Texan Adventure, you can creep on the instagram accounts of me and nick at @slashgreg and @mifunetoshiro, respectively. Catch you fools outside.

The Complete Filmography of Gus von Trier

Alright we gotta do this one quickly because I have so many meats to write about today. So many meats.

Here goes, the original Bitch Planet was in the mix at Glass Nickel last night and regardless how confident and cocky they seemed when it came to Wrestlers, they clearly know nothing of the WWF/WCW divide. They are probably better for it. They closed out the night with 30 points.

At 35 points we had Meow That’s What We Call Trivia vol. 3, who opted not to boo anyone this week. Apparently they think they’ve grown up now. Nah. Also at 35 points was Trumple Thin Skin, aka the world’s biggest fans of Gus Van Trier, especially his early works. It was their first time back in ages, and frankly they’re rad as hell. I’ll toss trivia questions at that crew any day. I guess what I’m getting at is, please come back. Please, please, please.

With a slightly higher score of 63, it’s the still-climbing Clementines. I think if they hadn’t been hosed by the Wrestlers and the Monty Python categories they would have walked out as winners. Then again, if Bitch Planet hadn’t been hosed by Wrestlers and Monty Python and like eight other categories, they could have walked out as winners.

Then there was the team whose name was something in Icelandic. Listen, I’ve got two Icelandics in my phone, that’s like .02% of the population, and I could call them anytime. But I’m not going to fuck with this team name. That’s some unspoken shit in the triviasphere. They had 75 points. Also, Reykjavik looks rad.

In third place it was Neal of Fortune, who had 84 points. It’s like they don’t even try sometimes. Geez. Just ahead of them with 85 points it was For Whom the Bard Spoons, to whom I said,“Ahhh, a Hemingway reference” and in unison they all said “Heming who? This is about fuckin’ ‘tallica, bro. GTFO with your Sally Hemmings talk”. Whatever.

And with the win last night it was Clever Girl. They rolled in deep, dropped of some infant blankets like it’s NBD, banged down 96 points and then dumped off 5 drink tickets for a crushing 101 on the evening. MEGA.

We’re back at it again next week, starting Monday night at Company Brewing in Milwaukee. Then Nick and I are sliding down to Texas for a few days or trivia research. That should be a big heads up to you that there is probably going to be some Texas questions coming up soon. Ready yourselves. You can also follow along on the trip via our instergramps at @slashgreg and @mifinetoshiro.

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