The Company Brewing Return

It’s good to see the crowd at Company Brewing welcomed Nick back with open arms and excellent, if unsurprising in convention, names.

We’re going to go over last night’s team scores like they were Drake, starting at the bottom. But in this case we’re talking about the teams that are really struggling, not some perceived bottom that comes from being raised in a wealthy Toronto suburb and having spent one’s youth starring as a wheelchair-assisted high schooler in a relatively successful teen drama. Tell me how it is on these streets,  Aubrey. You ever had the misfortune of crashing your bike after the front wheel got caught in the street car tracks, even though it was completely your fault because for your entire cycling life you’ve been told to cross the tracks perpendicular, but one day you got lazy. You slipped. You approached the tracks at angle, like a bear. Huh? Aubrey? What the fuck? You ever fallen on the ice when you had to move to the outer part of the sidewalk because all these weirdos from Australia come blasting out of Roots on Bloor, completely unaware of society out here on these streets? Take your ass back to Eaton Centre, Aubrey.

Anyway, Sober January Is Soooooo Long scored 37 points and Henley-am Neeson scored 45. Lake ChargoggagoggmanchauggauggagogchabunagungamUGG ™ Boots scored 46, and Las Serpientes de Túnel got docked 15 points because they don’t give a fuck about rules and put seven players on their team. They had 47 at the end.

Nickturnal Emissions (Potential best team name of 2018, right there) dropped 60 and earned third place. While What About Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah snatched second with 66. And on top it was Something Obscene and Inscrutable with 72 points.

Tonight, we’re moving on to the Up & Under on Brady street. It will be none other than Lewis, who oddly enough, also spent his teen years pretending to use a wheelchair, at the helm. He’ll be firing off fifty top-notch questions and encouraging you to have just one or two more PBRs. If this sounds like something you might be into, get yourself to the Up & Under tonight. The show starts at 7pm.

And We’re Back!

It’s a big Monday here at Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia, because as of tonight we are back at Company Brewing.

That’s right! Your boy Nick will be back on the mic, tossing out questions and maybe a few sharp barbs. Who knows, maybe he’ll even sit down with Tunnel Snakes and offer to help, only to drive their score down and cost them a first place finish. It wouldn’t be the first time, would it Tunnel Snakes?

This might work out really well for all the other teams, assuming they can keep Nick away from their table. Another tip that will do you well tonight. Take a few minutes to study things like Horse Thieves, Sex and the City and Lakes of North America. I want to you take consider that trifecta for a moment. Then, toss in a healthy dose of snowboarding message boards,  Triumph motorsickle forums and chainsaw-based ASMR channels and consider what my Google search profile looks like.

Now that you have the keys to success in this week’s trivia match, all you need to do is get your team together and get yourselves to Company Brewing in Riverwest. There will be food, there will be drinks and there will be good times. The show starts at 7pm.

Week 2 Recap

It’s been a minute since I’ve handled a proper recap, so let’s just jump right into it. The basement of Glass Nickel Pizza was about to burst at the seams. Not unlike my own clothes on the account of the 700 pounds I’ve put on since the birth of my daughter, but that is beside the point.

There was only one new team, Cherry Bitch. If you couldn’t tell from that name, they were a team on the edge. They lived fast and died young. They actually died somewhere around category seven and walked out, ending their night with 12 points. Ahead of them it was The Shitholeans who racked up 22 points. Let me tell you something about Los Shitholeans–Never have I seen a team so close on so many answers. That picture in WTF? They insisted it was Judith Slaying Holofernes. SLAYING. Meanwhile Caitlin and Alex polished their shared monocle and said “Actually, it’s Judith Beheading Holofernes by Caravaggio. We’ve got a collective 17 degrees in various forms of art and art history, so do not fuck with us. There is nothing we know as well as art.” Then Alex stops but Caitlin continues, whispering, “Except the sweet Canadian musk of Alex Trebek in person.” Caitlin is creepy as hell sometimes.

Tickles for Nickels scratched together 36 points, but got topped by Good Enough. This is the team that has been requesting Stargate since they first arrived. So then I drop some Stargate: Knowledge on them and they tell me they specifically meant SG-1. Like Stargate: Atlantis, Continuum and Penetration have no weight in the Stargate universe. Canon snobs. Good Enough nabbed 37 points, after taking their extra-player deduction.

Friends Without Borders, landed themselves squarely in mediocrity with 39 points. This, after last time they showed up, stood on a table and yelled, “S my D MFers” then took first place. Well, Who’s S-ing Ds now FWBs?

Clever Girl put up 47 points. If I were them I would have walked out after the first round came up as The Knights Templar. It only went downhill from there. Also at 47 points was Social Animals who got docked 30 for extra players, but proved themselves to be a solid team of contenders if they could drop the dead weight (YOU KNOW WHO I’M TALKING ABOUT). Bitch Planet decided to grace us with her presence and tossed up 58 points on a solo mission. Neal of Fortune put together a 60 point game for third place. Somehow Spoonday, Bardy Spoonday has maintained a level of cool among the chaos, sliding their way onto the podium for the past few weeks and taking second place last night with 70 points.

Then it was Laura Dern and the High-necked Dresses taking the top spot with 90 points. Of course, that’s 90 points with Hannah on board, which is like 25 points without. Hannah is the Aaron Rodgers of trivia. Which I guess makes me Mike McCarthy. Imagine my office for a moment, VHS tapes of old trivia games playing on a loop like that video from The Ring. mountains of Arby’s wrappers all over the place. A couple half-eaten Beef-n-Cheddar sammies. Countless puddles of melted Jamocha shake. And a stack of maybe 35 Curly Fries containers. It shouldn’t surprise you that those are empty. You know I’m pouring those into my mouth, using that rigid cardboard sleeve as a funnel to be sure I get every last morsel of deep fried goodness. I am a disgusting human being. Suddenly, by landline phone rings and a voice says, “Seven Days.” Which means we’ll do it all again next week.

(No title)

And here we are, barely knuckle deep in 2018 and MFers are already complaining about trivia being too hard.
And that’s from someone who helped write the questions.

So Tunnel Snakes lost the classics round last night by one point because they had too many people on their team. It seems Nick may have doubly screwed them.

Anyway, tonight we’re moving on to the Glass Nickel show in Madison. We’ll find out if Laura Dern and the High-necked Dresses can maintain top billing. Or will Heisenberg steal the show. Perhaps it will be Guess Harder, if they could ever actually manage to show up two weeks in a row. Or maybe Neal of Fortune will retake the top spot being they may or may not have bribed me with a glorious vinyl offering.Only time will tell who takes first place tonight. If you think you’ve got it in , or you just want to see how it plays out, I suggest getting to Glass Nickel Pizza on Atwood and find us in the basement. As always, the show starts at 7pm. See you there.

Steve Harvey Cold Snaps

Assuming anyone can even gather the strength to leave their homes and face the this weather one more time, we should have a good match tonight at Glass Nickel Pizza.

Let’s run down the list: Eric is already back in Montana or Wyoming or whatever great expanse of a western state he calls home. Kathleen and Travis, who has proven themselves time and time again to been the brains of the Neal of Fortune operation, are currently ice climbing Niagara Falls. The Spoony Bards will come close but fall apart in the end, because that’s how they play trivia. Neil is still recovering and I suspect floating on a cloud of percoset. Dominic will probably miss the first 10 questions, and Tickles for Nickels is only in the game when Drink Tickets are in play.

And that has me hyped. The winner’s circle is wide open and we’ve got a solid 10 rounds. Talmbout spacemans, and college bowls or college bowlers, The Great State of Michigan and a bunch of other things. On top of that, Simon will be hustling food. Jake will be there making all sorts of craft cocktails and lecturing you simpletons about the importance of a true neutral spirit, like the vodka he uses at home to make his special beef stick- and pretension-infused drinks. And there will be prizes.

All you have to do is be there tonight. We’ll be in the basement of the . The show starts at 7pm. See you there.

New year. Classic me.

Think back to your childhood. How many times do you think your father woke up on January first, or second, or third, and said, “That’s it. New Year. New Me.” Then he drove to Sears and bought some free weights. Maybe he stopped at JC Penney and grabbed a new pair of athletic shorts touting the 1984 Summer Olympics in Los Angeles. When he got home, he dropped the needle on side two of Physical Graffiti and the tell-tale riffs of Kashmir ripped through the speakers announcing daddy’s inaugural workout.  

You know Pops never stuck to that routine and those shorts got embarrassing real fast. And that’s where he fucked up. You can’t take something old, in this case Led Zeppelin, and make it part of something new. That’s why a classic rock station can play two-for-Tuesdays of Led Zeppelin and Eric Clapton all day, and everyone else just listens to podcasts. If it’s a classic, let it live in the world of classics. Don’t try to throw a new patch over an airbrushed wizard and call it a new jean jacket.

Maybe if he had been pumping early INXS your dad would be one of those weird, old man bodybuilders to this day.

It’s with that mindset that we present another week of Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Classics at Tracks. These aren’t brand new questions, but I can assure you they are all rock fucking solid. It’s just the hits. There will be food. There will be seemingly unending drinks. There will be Celebrity Guest Host Andy Berg. And all that makes for a really good time. Then again, there are no bad times at Tracks.

Just imagine, if your Father had woken up on that January day so many years ago, said to himself, “That’s it. New year. Classic me” picked up a bag of questionable weed, a sixer of Schlitz, and spent the day hanging out by a lake. Zeppelin coming through the Blaupunkt car stereo speakers. I am 100% certain that routine would continue to this day. That’s the power of Classics.

So, if this sounds like something you might be into, I suggest you find yourself at Tracks Tonight. We’ll be in the back room and show starts at 7pm.

So This Is The New Year?

Greetings! And welcome to 2018. By now I sure some of you have already blown out your New Year’s resos. As for me and my type, we simply act righteous and drop lines like, “I don’t really believe in New Year’s resolutions, I just try to improve myself a little bit every day.”  That said I double stacked Ls in a heated, New Year’s Day Catan match and sent my friend Dan pictures of my dog pooping in the yard. The dog was looking directly at me with this, “Can I please just have this moment” expression, as thought I’m some sort of canine turd shamer. So, let that sink in when I roll my eyes at the resos and you hear me say, “I don’t really believe in New Year’s Resolutions, I just try to improve myself a little bit every day.”

Anyway, if 2018 is the year you step up your trivia game, I gotta suggest you get to the Up & Under on Brady Street tonight. Lewis, Steve Harvey’s stylist, will be there firing off 50 questions, encouraging some people to drink $50 worth of beer and handing out prizes for the best scores.

Now, I haven’t spoken with Lewis yet this year. He might be on some “new year, new me” kick and just pulling questions from wherever, but I would seriously consider studying things like 2017-18 College Bowl Winners, The Great State of Michigan and Space.

The show starts at 7pm. See you there.

Interyuletidian

Ahhh It’s the interyuletidian time of year. The week between Chrimbo and you finding yourself stumbling in your front door at 3am. The grease from your impulse purchase–a late night 2-for-1 gyros and bonus fries–leaching through the brown paper bag. You’re still deciding between washing it down with a warm can of Coke or that High Life in the fridge. You may also have a half-empty pack of Parliament Menthols in your pocket, which means you have broken all of your New Year’s resolutions not four hours deep, and society expects you to return to work in like 28 hours.

But that is still several days away. Right now you need to be establishing yourself a reliable narrator in your own story. That means working towards a proper January 1, doing things like joining us for Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia at Glass Nickel Pizza. Who knows, maybe even some of the Milwaukee Teams will join us. They haven’t had their trivia fix this week, and everyone knows Milwaukeeans know how to fuck a few a double gyro and fries platter after like a long night of Smirnoff Ice Electric Watermelon rippers.

Or course it’s always good to know what kind of questions we’re going to be dealing with, and this week I have no clue. I’m still over here struggling to put the show together. Which means it is guaranteed to be a banger. If you want to get in on it all you have to do is join us at the Glass Nickel we’ll be in the basement. The show starts at 7pm.

See you then.

2017 The Year in Review

It’s that time of year. No no, not the time when we deck the halls and jingle the bells. This is the time of year when we do the 2017 Year in Review show.

We sit down at Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Global Headquarters and Rap Emporium to write what should be the easiest show of the year, then get distracted watching classic Vine compilations on YouTube, before scrambling to finish the show just in time for Nick to take the stage at Company Brewing. In fact, I have another window open and I can see Nick feverishly hammering out the last 50 questions for tonight.

Typically, we give out a few clues to help you get through a couple categories but I don’t think that works for this week. What am I going to show you that represents the 2017 the Year in Literature?  Or 2017 The Year in Music? Or sports or culture or technology or Bamboo Harvester of Sorrow, for that matter? I got nothing. NOTHING.

Instead I’m going to give you three images that might be helpful. The more you know about those images the greater the advantage you and your team will have at this weeks show. Or maybe not. This is the kind of professionalism people have come to expect from WHT. Right? Perfect.

Once you’ve studied the images, get your team together and get to Company Brewing tonight. It’s the best place in the city to tip back a million pints of holiday cheer and have Nick fire a bunch of questions at you.

The show starts at 7pm. See you there.

Six Seasons and a Movie

Tonight! Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia enters syndication. Undeclared never got that. Nor Trophy Wife starring Malin Akerman. And what about ALF? ALF aired for like 20 seasons, I think it was 1981-2001, but it never went into syndication.

Do you know why?

Maybe it was weirdly racist and no one remembers that about the show. Or perhaps it was the series finale where ALF ceremonially kills the father and makes a skin suit allowing him to go out and experience human life on earth. And that wasn’t even the darkest part of the episode, because skin-suit ALF was also shown having sex with the mother. THEN the show flashes forward (years before Six Feet Under used this technique for an ender) and shows ALF still wearing a now horrifyingly rotten skin suit and the daughter with a brood of half-human half-Melmacian children, suggesting some sort of interspecies breeding, with just a spritz of incest and necrophilia.

All that to get to the point that Tracks Tavern is the winter home for Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia. And the best part is we’re scouring through our nearly 500 shows to bring you the best of the best, and hopefully not too many questions that have aged poorly. So get your team together and join Celebrity Guest Host Andy Berg for questions, drinks and prizes.

The show starts at 7pm. See you there.

Older posts «