BRACKETS BRACKETS BRACKETS COUCHES COUCHES COUCHES

The bad news about Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia at Glass Nickel Pizza tonight is that by the time we fill that basement and kick off the show, 85% of the crowd is going to be talking about busted brackets, unforeseen upsets and melted minds. That’s a lot of pressure to out on college hoopermans. That’s also a lot of pressure to put on yourself. Trying to pick the right team like it’s not going to be Duke or some other team with a creepy ass coach. But you’re still riding hard for Bradington State. That seems like good name for a college no one cares about. The team is just five, six-foot-two dudes named Brad.

The good news is all that will be behind you as soon as trivia fires up. We already know there is going to talk about Viggo Mortenson, Candy and Presidential Pets, but did you know I’m also going to be pressuring each of you, individually, about joining the Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Ragnar crew. We’re looking for a couple more people to fill out the team. And what could be better than spending a couple days in September running 15 miles through the woods of Northern Wisconsin?

All that a more, TONIGHT! All you have to do is be at Glass Nickel Pizza on Atwood. We’ll be in the basement and the show starts at 7pm. See you there.

 

(No title)

I’ve consulted with the sentient being that is this week’s questions, and I return to you with good news. Even after a drawn-out slug-fest that saw Das Tunnelsnakes take first place from Shart of Glass and 3 Guys on a Fact Hunt last night, The Questions are ready to kick down the door at Up & Under and show Brady Street what’s what.

I’m sure some of you are thinking the, “the sentient being that is the collected information of one week’s worth of trivia questions? That concept is dumb as hell.” Well sure, maybe it’s not great. But what is consciousness, but ongoing awareness of information gathered, interpreted and used to anticipate what is ahead. Consider how just the simple knowledge of The Physical Impossibility of Death in the Mind of Someone Living changes the way you look at a stack of Girl Scout Thin Mint cookies, or your aging grandparents.

Or, consider the way you studied for this week’s questions. We know there is a Viggo Mortensen round so there could very well be some Lord of The Rings questions. Using all of your collected trivia knowledge, you have to assume that I set out to write solid Viggo questions, but instead spent 6 hours trying to convincingly render images of Gritty into the naked fight scene from Eastern Promises.

That seems reasonable? But a sentient stack of questions is ridiculous? It’s like you guys have never seen Marjorie the talking trash heap from Fraggle Rock. Or Pythia. At least these trivia questions do not stink of rot.

Anyway, Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia heads to Brady Street tonight. There you can find Lewis, a man who as been has spent the last seven years espousing the theory that The Beastie Boys’ Fight for Your Right to Party and Make Some Noise videos are part of the Lord of the Rings universe because it’s actually Elijah Wood playing Frodo playing Ad-Rock playing younger Ad-Rock and the whole pie thing because we all know how Gimli loved some whipped cream pies, coming at you with 50 questions. The show starts at 7pm. See you there.

 

Post St. Patrick’s Day Massacre

Hello trivia players, I hope you’re all doing well and have had a chance to shower to today. It’s important to wash off the St. Patrick’s Day almost immediately. I’ve heard that residual Irishness, if it remains in contact with your skin, it soaks in and just makes you insufferable. You end up with a propensity to buy things like Irish themed tee shirts and you opt for the Aer Lingus credit card so you can rack up some miles.

As the Madison players know, I recently made my pops do an ancestry.com test (because I want to know what’s up, but I don’t want to put my info in the system). Sure when the results came back there were some surprises, an unexpected 22% Frenchness and an unknown half-brother, for example, but I cannot express my relief when I saw that Irish category at <0 percent. I immediately removed that copy of Boondock Saints from Amazon wishlist and I spent St. Patrick’s Day watching Chinatown and Annie Hall guilt-free. Such relief.            

But all that is behind us, except for the half-brother thing. The days are getting longer. The weather is getting warmer. And league play is getting tenser. I mean, look at Company Brewing. I would say Shart Shaped Box, Das Tunnelsnakes, Scrambled Eggs and Dennis, Nell, Edna and Ellen Sinned are all in the running. With 3 Guys on a Fact Hunt and Gentrifiers of Catan as potential dark horse contenders.

Of course, the path to league domination runs directly through tonight’s show, where Wisconsin’s Hardest Nick is coming out hot with with questions about Candies, Presidential Pets and the naked body of Viggo Mortensen’s work.

So if these all seem like things you and your trivia-playing friends might be into, or maybe you just like trivia and fine craft beers, I suggest you get to Company Brewing in Riverwest tonight. The show starts at 7pm. See you there.

 

IT’s Called Time Theft, and it’s a Corporate Crime

Typically, on a Monday like this I would cruise in here and say “I don’t want to waste any of your time…” But let’s be honest, all I do is flush minutes and hours away from your assumed employers. I’m like some sort of remote, smoldering revolutionary. Every so often I just steal a few minutes from your corporate overlords. This is how I’m doing my part to bring down the capitalist system. But today, I’m the one who hasn’t got time to spare, so let’s get into it.

Tonight, Company Brewing is opening its doors to anyone and everyone who wants to rip back a couple pints and test their (very specific area of) intelligence. Wisconsin’s Hardest Nick is giving the people, not what they want, but what they need. That being, 50 questions sure to blow minds. He’s going to be up there talking about things like Late-Era Wes Anderson Films, The Starting Quarterbacks of the Cleveland Browns and Outkast.

If you’re sitting there thinking, “Dang this is in my wheelhouse.” or, “This sounds like a disaster. I’m going to watch a couple teams crash and burn while I tip back a couple springtime brews.” You’re going to want to get to Company Brewing in Riverwest tonight. The show starts at 7pm. See you there.

 

Rent-a-movie Weather

Madison, this weather is trash. I was trying to use it the pre-cap to tonight’s trivia show at Glass Nickel Pizza, but couldn’t find anything I felt good about. I explored several options:

  • Something about trivia questions being ice bullets and the way all the trivia teams got killed by last week’s show was nearly the perfect crime. Until one veteran detective figured it all out.
  • There were polar bears in a dream I had recently.
  • The Polar Vortex is actually caused by the chilly reception the show last week received.
  • Co-opting the first two verses of The Tragically Hip’s 1998 track, Thompson Girl. Except for that part about a Nickel Stack. That is some Manitoba slang I do not understand.
  • Just a picture of Michael Fassbender, which would be a reference to the film The Snowman.
  • The OT loss of my beloved Sacramento Kings to the allegedly best team in the NBA, the Milwaukee Bucks.
  • The concept of getting Vin’s younger brother Mitch’s friends into harnesses and using them as sled dogs. Just so you could picture me yelling “Mush! Mush!” while a team of people were running through the snow to a constant cacophony of  “Bro bro bro yo yo bro yo yo yo bro bro bro yo bro”. We would call it the Idiotarod.
  • Something shitty and smug about Global Warming.

I’m more than happy to go deeper on any of these subjects tonight, but there will also be a trivia show happening. You can catch us in our usual spot, the basement of Glass Nickel Pizza on Atwood. There will be good drinks, better food, and the best 50 questions you could possible hear. All you have to do is be there. The show starts at 7pm. See you then.

 

Joggers Welcome

I get it. I know why you’re here. It’s certainly not to hear the weather report at Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Global Headquarters, Rap Emporium and Nutria Rehabilitation Center (for what it’s worth, it’s cold, snowy and Trunch Lake is almost completely frozen over except for the small inlet where we dump all the questions too hot for standard trivia shows thus allowing the nutria we’re nurturing to develop and nourish their nautical and navigational knowledge).

I also know you don’t come here for the Crispy Orange Seitan which I made for dinner last night. Sure, it was delicious, but the price per plate would simply be too prohibitive to make such a meal at a food service level.  

I know you’re only here to find out what you should be studying for this week’s trivia shows. Well, we’ll get there.

First we need to discuss the Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Ragnar Wisconsin Trail team.

Do you fancy yourself a runner? Or maybe just a joggist who would like to turn it up a notch? And do you feel like running three loops in 24 hours for a total of about 16 miles through the woods of Northern Wisconsin all while wearing a Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia sweat-wicking shirt?

I hope so, because we are putting together a team for the Ragnar Wisconsin Trail event, September 20 and 21. Right now, we need four more runners. Preferably two from Madison and two from Milwaukee. Each runner will need to provide $100 for the race to offset some of the cost. In return we’re going to make sure all you need to bring is your running gear.  If you’re interested let me know. And we’ll build out our team as soon as possible.

Now, regarding tonight’s show. It’s Monday so we’ll be heating up all of Riverwest from the stage at Company Brewing. Nick’s going to be talking about such things as the 2019 Academy Awards, Black Sabbath and the Great City of Istanbul. The show starts at 7pm. See you there.

 

The Mid-way Point in Madison

MMMMMMMMadison, tonight we’ll cross the halfway mark in our Winter League. So, let’s run it down as it is right now.

  • In classic form, Neal of Fortune is light years ahead of everyone with a big timin’ 48 points. I think they could take several weeks off, come back for the final and only have to try a little to take home another victory.
  • Clever Girl is at 33 points and I suspect they will be taking the experienced, calculated path to the finish line. This crew has been around, they know how trivia works.
  • Portrait of the Artist as a Spoony Bard…ooooof. Listen, they’re in third right now with 31 points, but there is no limit (except for 31, I guess) as to how far this team can fall. This crew has been around, they know how collapsing, as a team, works.
  • Good Enough is sitting at 21 points and is watching the room hard. Not only are they ready for that Spoony Bard implosion, but they’re also fighting off heat from below.
  • Dern is sitting at 20 points. But I wouldn’t count these players out. They’ve been known to rack up a couple wins.
  • What Do You Call a Fish With Five Eyes? they have no real chance.
  • TV Dogs, provided they show up, should move up from their 18-point perch.
  • #1 Cat in America hasn’t been to a showin three weeks and still has a respectable 16 points.
  • Same could be said for Beelzebubbalicious.
  • Fuck the EFG, they were showing signs of greatness for a minute last week but I suspect we’ve got a real Jeremy Lin situation on our hands here.
  • Bitch Planet, The BGs, Nezzanator, Egg Roll Squirrel and The Janeways are all at five or fewer points.

So if you’re looking to boost those rankings, or just disrupt the whole scene, be sure to get to Glass Nickel on Atwood tonight. As always, the show starts at 7 and we’ll be in the basement. See you there.

 

Up & Under, Roll It & Light It

League play rolls on!

Tonight we’re taking it over the river to that little slice of Heaven Milwaukee likes to call Brady Street.

I’m not about to make fun of your religion or your concept of heaven, but I really have some questions if you look at the littered gutters, or get noseful of the constant vomit aroma and think, “this is it. It gets no better.”

For real, I once saw a man run from like three bars away, do some weird jump kick, and pogo off a very large motorcycle, knocking it over. The dude got up and walked away, while this crew of very-large-motorcycle-riding-looking-men laughed and one yelled, “Fuck yeah, World Cup.”

I should note this was during the 2010 World Cup. Nonetheless how does that happen? And does that happen on a daily basis? What is the murder rate of chumps on Brady street? I assume it’s 100 percent, right?

Well one way to find out is to get down to the Up & Under tonight. Lewis, a man who once launched a rolling papers company that featured classic works of art on each piece and was called Stona Lisa, which always struck me as too easy when he totally could have called it Caravaggio’s Young Siiiick Bacchus 1593 or Artemisia Gentileschi’s David and Bath-Cheeba (year unknown), will be hosting the show. It starts tonight at 7pm. See you there.

 

CoBrew Winter League Commence!

Company Brewing players, I hope you have your trivia shoes dusted off because there is trivia stomping to do tonight.

Trivia stomping is a lot like line dancing, but instead of music the stompers movements are set to murmur of other teams. Trivia shoe are the other major differentiator between line dancing and trivia stomping. Traditional footwear is a mismatched pair. The right shoe is a Haviana flip-flop in the colors of the Brazilian flag and the toe strap has busted through the EVA sole so the whole thing is just flopping around now. On the left is typically on oversized deep-sea diving boot with a brass toecap and 17kg weighted sole. The oversizing is important because the boot is then filled with water from Trunch Lake and the roominess does all for the stomper to move somewhat while the boot stays planted. Some superstitious trivia stompers will fill their boot with Trunch Lake water and not change it throughoutthe duration of league play.

Which brings us to tonight’s Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia show–Wisconsin’s Hardest Nick is kicking off his Late Winter League TONIGHT.  We’ve got several thousand new questions and Nick is coming at you with nothing but the finest of the finer things. We’re talking about Old Cigarette Marketing Slogans. We’re talking about the 2019 Grammy Awards. We’re talking about Ventriloquism.

But most importantly, we’re talking about all of you sliding into those trivia stomping shoes and getting yourself to Company Brewing in Riverwest tonight. The show starts at 7pm. See you there.

 

Velumtimes!

 

Let me tell you a little something about trivia, there are two kinds of trivia players. Those who don’t like Valentine’s Day, and those who weren’t even aware it was Valentine’s Day.

Look at any trivia crowd, but the one at Glass Nickel specifically for this example. These are clearly not people who need to worry about significant others. These may not be people with others regardless of the significance. These are pure trivia machines.

Okay, sure, there are some who play trivia and claim to have partners. Travis and Kathleen both claim to be married. Yet, when I ask why there spouses never join the team they stammer through some trash answer about how, “They work nights, but they’re super smart and this trivia wouldn’t even be hard for them. And they live in Canada on Thursdays.”

Something doesn’t add up there.

Maybe there are three types of people who play trivia–those who don’t like Valentine’s Day, those who weren’t even aware it was Valentine’s Day and those with possibly fictional spouses. You could also say there are those who play trivia with their signifs. I guess that’s cool, how ever you want to live your life. But can you imagine waking up in the middle of the night months later, looking at someone and just thinking, “I told you that duck’s name was Trevor.”

That’s some weight.

So really there are four types of people ready to play trivia on Valentine’s day–those who don’t like Valentine’s Day, those who weren’t even aware it was Valentine’s Day, those with possibly fictional spouses and those who play with their partners.

That’s not to exclude a team like Fuck the EFG, who may or may not show up tonight. The average age on this team is roughly turning-twenty-one-at-midnight. So they are deeeeeep millennials. If you thought it was bad that young adults were ruining avocados, banks, cars, print pornography, plastic straws, consumerism, dating, the scene in The Force Awakens when Kylo Ben kills Hands Solo, books, ebooks, things that aren’t even books, punching down, house parties, malls, the 40-hour work week, water skiing, mini golf, pants and getting really high, turning the shitty basement of that house where you lived during college into a dojo and claiming you were going to get into “all sorts of kung fu”, then you should see what this team is doing to league play.

Wisconsin’s Hardest Greg: “Hey guys, it’s league time, so you earn point by being here each week. Are you coming back next week?”  

Fuck the EFG: “Who knows? Maybe. We might take a week off. But we’ll be back after that.”

WHG: “Oh, okay. Thanks for co…”
[The whole Fuck the EFG team disappears into a thick, cumulonimbus, straight-up thunderhead cloud of vape]

And this doesn’t even go into the relationship anarchist, singles and squares. I guess there are really like 500 types of people who play trivia. Whatever type you are, you can join us for Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia tonight at Glass Nickel Pizza on Atwood. As always, we’ll be in the basement and the show starts at 7pm. See you there.

 

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