The Ol’ Milwaukee Redeemer

Milwaukee, I saw the roster and I’ve seen the scores from last night’s show at CoBrew. I gotta be honest, you’re not looking so hot right now. Sure, you could blame the host, or the people who write the questions, but I think we all know whose fault these scores are.

What a Hot Messopotamia barely made it out alive. They scored a paltry 19 points like they’ve been taking lessons from some of the Madison teams. Tunnelsnakes somehow cobbled together 36 points. And when I say cobbled I don’t know referencing a cobbler like Gramma used to make that was basically a cake pan full of trash-ass macintosh apples with some flavorless crust on top or a pair of dumb shoes made by Oscar-winner Dan Lewis. Best Viking Ever grabbed third place with 43 points. Scrambled Eggs planted their flag in second place and Like a Sturgeon took home the top spot with 63.

Now, Milwaukee, certainly you can do better than that. And your chance to prove that is just hours away. So hone your trivia skills and get your rumps to Up & Under on Brady street. Lewis, a man who demands everything he orders at a Dairy Queen be handed to him upside-down like a Blizzard,  will be tossing out 50 questions and as many as 50 answers. The show starts at 7pm. See you there.

 

How the Internet Works

Well, well, well. If it’s not past, current and potential players of Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised to find you here. Partially because this is the internet and you’ve brought this to you. Wherever you are, you’ve brought me, to you. That’s the power of the internet. It all comes to you.

I mean, imagine you’re at your parents home during the interyulian period. It’s your mom, a sibling, that sibling’s significant other, and you, Wisconsin’s Hardest Player. Dinner is finished and you’ve already had a couple cookies. One was just a basic cut-out sugar cookie. Maybe it was in the shape of a donkey or a church or a baby named The Christ Child, I don’t know, but the other one was a pfeffernussen because you’re not afraid to bring a touch of savory into your dessert. Delicious.

Anyway, dinner is finished and you know sibling and a sibling significant other are going to handle the dishes and cleanup. So you lean back in your chair and and say, “The dinner was great, mom. If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go cruise some filth sites on the old information superhighway. Route 69, if you know what I’m saying. Coast to coast, baby.  And on my way I’ll see what’s up with Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia.”

Now, you’re not literally to physical filth sites. You have to wait at least an hour after dinner to do that. It’s like swimming. You’ll cramp up. Nor are you really joining us for a Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia show. You’re just bringing the idea of Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia to you. And that is how the internet works.

If you do want to get down with some IRL trivia, Company Brewing is the place to be tonight. You really think you’re going to find Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia on Water Street or in the Third Ward? Bayview? Waukesha County? C’mon. You know this strictly real deal, grime and grit trivia. The hardest of the hard trivias. So hard in fact, tonight we’re discussing badass things like Winter Sports and Activities, Freshwater Fish and of course we’ll have a Christmas category.

When you are ready to handle trivia this hard, get a crew together and get yourself to Company Brewing in Riverwest. I’m talking about doing this for real. You can’t Go To Meeting this. Get down these, grab a few drinks and something to nosh and let Wisconsin’s Hardest Nick toss 50 hard ones your way. The show starts at 7pm. See you then.

Week 49 Recapper

 

There was a lot of hullabaloo at Glass Nickel Pizza last night. Like a man can’t wear bangs and without a room full of people giving him shit for it. I mean Neil had a new haircut. No one asked to take pics of him with his little boy hair to send to their missing team members.  

Neil and the Dern team went on to dominate the whole show. They won with an 84 points. Second place went to Neal of Fortune with their 79 points. TV Dogs played the drink ticket game well enough to push them up to 75 points, which secured third place. Spoony Bards tossed 67 points on the wall.

In the middle of the pack, Guy Fieri’s Dropped Balls played five drink tickets to end the night with 49 points. At 46, it was the two-person Clever Girl squad. Lady Posse was in the house. They kept telling me it was their night to win. They also kept saying “winning!” then as an aside they would add “Like Charlie Sheen. You get it, Greg? You get it?” They clearly didn’t win.

Good Enough didn’t win, but more importantly they also didn’t lose. They said something about, “At least we’re not Fuck the EFG.”

You know who is Fuck the EFG? Fuck the EFG, that’s who. I was fully on board with team. They’re funny, maybe even fun and I suspect one of these weeks they may make a run at a middle-of-the-pack or low podium spot. But last night it got all sorts of weird because Gale or Gayle or Ga-el or Gayel or G.A.I.L. started asking way too many questions about my kid. “How big is she? What size onesie does she wear? What’s her blood type? SSN? Have you put her in a bag and beat her to ring in the holiday season, Krampus-style, yet?”

India Pail Gale is weird as hell. Anyway, we’ve still got tees. We’re down to 1 black metal tee and 6 shoulda doubled shirts. They’re all Larges and each is $20. Get them while they’re hot.
See you all next week.

Big Bonus Wednesday, Players!

If you’re lucky enough to find yourself in Milwaukee this evening, you have the opportunity to play the Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia bonus show tonight at Tracks Tavern.

But this isn’t some Patreon-only, behind-the-paywall, you’ve-already-played-your-four-free-shows-this-month, trash. No way. This is 100%, uncut, free-to-play trivia, from trivia writers you know, trust and possible want to punch in the gut.

Plus, it’s at Tracks. You know this place. You know they’ve got a killer space for trivia. You know they’ve got one of the best bar menus in the city and you know they like 100 different beers available, even if you really just want to guzzle a few pints of High Life.

And what of the host. Well, I actually know nothing of Legendary Celebrity Guest Host Andy Berg, but I know he’s entertaining. I also heard in the 1990s he earned a gold medal at the X-games in the modified snowshovel race. That was was a real thing. Dumb as hell. But a gold is a gold.

Regardless, if any or all of these factions are new to you, I suggest checkingout tonight’s show. I promise it will be a good time. All you have to do is get a team together and be at Tracks Tavern tonight. The show starts at 7pm. See you there.

 

The Rise of Messopotamia and Fall of All Others

“SIRI! Update my LinkedIn profile. Have it read Wisconsin’s Hardest Greg: Questioneer, Championship Napper, Podcast Aficionado, Soothsayer”

It’s been less than one week since I predicted the rise of What A Hot Messopotamia and at last night’s Company Brewing show they began their ascension. Call in a team of forensic scientists to examine the remains. You’ll find bone fragments of Best Ever, the teeth of Three Guys on a Fact Hunt, and something that suggests Tunnelsnakes’ dignity would have been found if they had any.

Granted, they didn’t take any of the top spots, but what good is an ascension if you can’t strike fear into the hearts of those you’ll destroy on your way up. So, Scrambled Eggs, you best watch your back because your third place finish will not stand. WHT Schmisconsin’s Schmardest Schmivia, enjoy your time in second place. It will not last. And Mark McCarthcanned, your fall will be the greatest. I will enjoy watching these Hot Messopotamians feed you and everyone you love to the pack of Mackenzie Valley Wolves that travels with them.

Such violence at the CoBrew shows.

Tonight, we bring it back to a more civil stratum for the Tuesday night show. Lewis, a man who claims he’s no stranger to wolves because Werewolves of London is his go-to karaoke jam, is ready to blast 50 questions your way. All you have to do is be at the Up & Under on Brady street with a pocket full of beer money and a basic understanding of how trivia works.

Finally, I have to partake in some low-level huckster-ing. We have a few extra tee-shirts available. We’ve got Shoulda’ Doubled snake bite tees and a couple Black Metal BHOS tees available. All are size large (I don’t know how that happened, but I focus on my piping, man) The shirts are $20 each. Ask anyone wearing one, they’re comfy as hell and I’ll ship that shit straight to your door. Get at me via this crap platform or email greg@wisconsinshardesttrivia.com

 

Okay, tonight’s show starts at 7pm. See you there.

 

The First Trickle of Cheer From the Holiday Faucet

Players! We are now in the midst of it. We here at Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Global Headquarters and Rap Emporium have begun making our lists of gifts we’re willing to receive in exchange for answers. We’re also relying on those classic, holiday-themed categories that make our writing jobs easier. Giving us more time to focus on ways we can ruin the holidays for our loved ones and strangers alike.  But those are stories for another day.

This week, we’re focusing on top-notch topics like Hanukkah and rocks. And if that weren’t enough, we’ve got a very special, seasonally appropriate Bamboo Harvester of Sorrow category coming at you.

If you want to get a piece of this specific holiday cheer, I suggest you get yourself and a strong team down to Company Brewing in Riverwest. Nick will be there priming his computer and firing off 50 questions so hot your winter wonderland will start looking more like a Corona commercial, complete with Tony Romo answering a landline telephone like some sort of caveman.

The show starts at 7pm. See you there.

 

A Very Sexy Trivia

People are going to be talking about last night’s trivia show for years to come. Sure, it will be mostly complaints, but all press is good press, you know.

From experience I can tell you with near-certainty that most of the complaints will come from Fuck the EFG. This team of renegades, misfits, ne’er-do-wells and Gayle/Gail/Gale/Gael, shows up, barely makes it into double digits and brags about how they’re engineers and nurses. Like this is foreign to me. Like my mom wasn’t a nurse engineer. C’mon. But they were the only team that pulled Willie Cauley-Stein, so I do owe them some credit.

Ahead of them it was the Multiple Mayors of Flavortown. Then, it was the Solar Sail Ship, a new team who came out hot and then crumbled under the pressure. Dern put up 60 points. And Good Enough did the right thing, playing enough drink tickets to end up with 69.

TV Dogs showed up with a full team, agreeable opinions on the show Patriot, and a random picture of boobs on Nithin’s phone. In the end that only was enough to get them into third place with 72 points. The faction of Neal of Fortune that is not sending me porno from Greece nabbed second place with 79 points. And a streamlined Spoony Bards took home the win with 86.

Spoony Greg wanted me to note they won without the use of drink tickets. He grabbed me by the label of my sport coat, got real close to my face and through gritted teeth said, “Tell ‘em we didn’t need drink tickets. Tell ‘em. Spoony Bards, platinum, no features.”

Spoony Greg is real intense.

We’re back at it next week. See you then.  

 

IMPORTANCE ANNOUNMENT

KLAXON KLAXON KLAXON

ALL MILWAUKEE TRIVIA TEAMS ARE INVITED TO TRACKS TAVERN TONIGHT. THIS IS AN OPPORTUNITY TO ADD MORE TRIVIA TO ONE’S LIFE. PERHAPS SHIVA CONGLOMERATION OR 3 GUYS ON A FACT HUNT ARE LOOKING TO STACK ON A SECOND WIN FOR THE WEEK.  AT TRACKS TAVERN. MAYBE A HOT MESSOPOTAMIA WANTS TO PUT IN A FEW EXTRA PRACTICE SESSIONS BEFORE DOMINATING THEIR USUAL SHOW.

ATTENTION WHO POOPED IN THE POOL. COME TO TRACKS TONIGHT. PROVE YOUR POWERBOTTOM STATUS BY BRINGING UP THE REAR IN ONE MORE SHOW.  AT TRACKS TAVERN.

EXPERIENCE TRIVIA LIKE NEVER BEFORE. AT TRACKS TAVERN. CONSIDER QUERIES NEVER BEFORE CONSIDERED BY YOUR HUMAN BRAIN. CONSUME FOOD AND DRINKS PREVIOUSLY UNCONSUMED BY YOUR HUMAN CONSUME TUBES. AT TRACKS TAVERN. DO IT ALL TONIGHT AT TRACKS TAVERN. AT TRACKS TAVERN.

BE THERE AT 7PM.  AT TRACKS TAVERN.

END.

KLAXON KLAXON KLAXON

 

Milky Days

Welcome back, trivia players! I assume right about now you’re slowly sliding back into the work. Maybe you’re still standing around a co-worker’s desk making jokes about how you put on a few pounds drinking so much milk over Thanksgiving, but it’s okay because your wallet got a little lighter after all those killer Black Metal Friday purchases.

Oh, I bet that one got a nice office chuckle. But unless you picked the Slabdragger/Wren split release, Mothers of Beef and the Magic of Invention, black metal covers of Frank Zappa and Captain Beefheart jams, I don’t want to hear it. Sit down and have another glass of milk, you holiday basics.  

See there will be no niceties and gentle re-entries into the world of trivia. No way. Nick has 50 ICBMs (Inquiries Chosen to Blow Minds) ready to be deployed tonight. I’ve already approached the Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Control Panel, located inside the Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Hugo Chavez Memorial Control Room, here at Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Global Headquarters and Rap Emporium. Once Nick confirms my launch sequence, we’ll start dropping these worthless-knowledge bombs.

If you want to see the intellectual wreckage, I suggest getting yourself to Company Brewing in Riverwest tonight. And if you want to come prepared, I suggest you look into things like NYSE Stock Tickers, the oeuvre of Bill Murray and Lego MiniFigs. Hopefully those clues will help, but let’s be honest, we’re all in for a rough one.

Anyway, the show starts to 7pm. See you there.

Thanksgiving got me like…

Locking the doors to Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Global Headquarters & Rap Emporium at the end of a rather short week has got me a thinking back over the last few days. Things seem right in the trivia world. I feel if I were a .gif, or .gif, depending on how you pronounce it, I would be the one of the mountain man-looking-MFer who, when the camera has pushed in close enough, gives a subtle, approving nod. I think we all know the one I’m talking about. It’s the one we all wish our parents would send us.

What I’m trying to say here is that things seems right in the trivia world.

Just last night at the Up & Under Who Pooped in the Pool was able to put together 15 points and reclaim their last place throne. One could make the argument that in this case PPR actually stands for Point, not Points, Per Round. It would be an inaccurate argument, but I’m sure we can find someone to take sides.

A team named Second Place certainly did not live up to their name. Chumps. The Stallions fell just short of the podium. Tur-What-The-Fucken nabbed third place and started making demands for a Current Events category, but the “current” is about electricity and water. Like these fools have done a deep dive on The Structural Dynamics of Flow by Leslie Claret. Shiva Conglomeration nabbed second place and let Trivia Newton John have the top spot.

But before any of that happened, there was a Monday night show at Company Brewing, where I made a very special guest appearance. It was good to put faces with the teams I’ve never really met but talk about way too much.

What A Hot Messopotamia was making their trivia debut. Sure they finished in last place, but it was their first rodeo and they clearly showed the rest of these team that they get it and they’re coming back for blood. We Are Carl Weathers clearly focused this week on coming up with a second-rate name and then decided to pair that with a second-rate score. They even got bested by a 3-person Tunnelsnakes team.

I was hoping for more from Tunnelsnakes, but that was just a exercise in wishful thinking. Certainly, Best Ever was going to beat them. And you know Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia: Shmisconsin’s shmardest Schmivia was going out perform nearly every other team. Finally, There’s a Fine Line Between Numerators and Denominators took home the win. They abandoned their sexual confections name for a math joke, making it clear why Nick loves this team. Then again Nick has also IRL memed me with shit like “Sure sex is cool, but have you ever paused Good Will Hunting and examined the equations Applesauce Man was figuring out”.

No, Nick. I haven’t. There is no Glass Nickel show Thursday, so enjoy the holiday everyone.
See you next week.

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