A Brief and Inaccurate History of Bitcoin

Eight years ago, when Nick and I started this little Trivia endeavor, there was this dude named Joe who would occasionally play. Solid player. One night after the show he strolls up and asks, “What do you two MFers know about b-b-b-b-itcoin?”

Originally, I thought Joe spoke like that because he a wild stammer, but it turns out that he was just from the future.  

I admitted I knew next to nothing about cryptocurrency, or currency in general. Nick had a more in-depth understanding, but wasn’t on Joe’s level. Joe’s telling us he’s got something like 14 rigs in his basement mining bitcoins and at this point I tuned out because this was starting to sound a lot like Farmville.

Then last summer I run into Bitcoin Joe and his girlfriend Plants Sarah. I know Sarah knows plants so I start firing questions at her. “Hey I’m trying to grow some weed in my neighbor’s yard. I think I grow it in her garden without her knowing. What strains should I be planting?”

She says, “Well, outdoors in a climate like Madison you could grow some trash weed to sell to high schoolers and maybe middle school kids. But if you could put up a hotbox, there is no reason you couldn’t try Acapulco Gold or some Chernobyl. I’m sure we could find you the proper landrace strain for your neighbor’s garden.”

Then Bitcoin Joe gets in on the conversation. Talmbout how he doesn’t even try growing weed anymore and he just buys it all with Bitcoin. Clearly he stuck with that Farmville bullshit. He then proceeds to tell me everything else he’s purchased with bitcoin:

  • 3 Shawn Kemp rookie cards
  • Like 2 pizzas a week from Pizza Shuttle
  • A Big Mouth Billy Bass that only plays The Downeaster Alexa
  • This Unication Alpha Elite Flex Pager right here
  • A bunch of preloaded DMT vape pens
  • 2 Falsified Canadian Passports
  • A 12 x 12 Faraday Cage for the basement
  • Once Upon a Time in Shaolin
  • A 3% share in a company that produces and sells glow-in-the-dark dog collars
  • Little strips of acid used to whiten your teeth or slowly burn off your fingerprints
  • A Unimog U4000, you know the 6-wheeled one

Bitcoin Joe obviously knows how to party. And Nick and I totally missed the boat on that. To make up for it we’ve written an entire trivia category about Bitcoin for this week. But that’s not all! We’ll also be talking about famous tigers and the Great State of Utah.

And of course Nick will be kicking off the week with the Milwaukee show at Company Brewing. There is really no better way to spend a Monday night in Riverwest than grabbing a bite to eat, drinking a few of those delicious CoBrew beers, and listen to the dulcet tones of Nick asking questions.

Now that you know what to expect, I suggest you get your team together and get to Company Brewing tonight at 7pm. See you there.

Century Eggs

It’s good to know the Madison crowd is catching on the open bribery that keeps Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia moving. Last night Tickles for Nickels, a team that in the past has brought me Chilean candy, a Lake Tahoe bottle opener and countless other gifts, brought me a century egg.

I should note, in the past T4N has brought really cool gifts, and in the past they’ve seen a few wins. Are these events connected? I can’t confirm or deny. But those wins were before they brought in a century egg. Here’s what’s crazy about the century egg, someone took the egg, a pretty gross thing from the jump, then thought, let’s fuck this bad boy up.

We’ll take your gross, everyday eggs and bury in delicious things like sulfur and clay until it turns that mouth-watering color of soooo black. I mean think of all the wonderful black foods that exist. Burned hot dogs, rotten spinach, that frozen pizza you put in the oven one night after some drinks but then you fell asleep watching The Fast & The Furious 8: The Fate of The Furious only to wake up late for class the next day and not remember your culinary aspirations until like 3pm. Also, they put some added stink on it.   

Players, a bribe like this is going to get you nowhere. Therefore Tickles found themselves hanging out aimlessly in the center of the pack with 48 points. Sure they topped Sam, who played like 4 rounds and earned 12 points for herself and Fish Ladies who had to duck out early with 16 points. Laura Dern and The High Necked Dresses went from first to nearly worst  and closed out their night with 29 points. Guess Harder put up 44 points and Clever Girl had 48 on the night.

Radioactive Tigers tossed up a solid 51 points, not bad for a team made of mostly new people and two under 18-year-olds. Sorry about all the vulgarities. Good Enough was finally pleased with a Stargate category and grabbed third place with 73. But it was the SOB’s (Spoony O’Bards) who topped them with a soul crushing 74 points.

Clearly, Neal of Fortune won with their 98 points, but I’m not going to talk about that. What I will talk about is Caitlin and her Jeopardy experience. We’ve talked about this many times before, mostly because I am equal parts hyped for and envious of her. Just last week I called her creepy as hell. Then, last night she shows me her official pic with AT (Alex Trebek) and says, “Obviously, I added the hearts.” That is a 100% real deal quote. So maybe it’s way more cool than creepy.

Whatever, we’ll be back in action next week.

Setting it off

Alright Madison, in the words of the Queen Latifah, “Let’s set it off.”

That’s from the classic, 1996 film Set It Off. At one point Latifah, as the character Stoney, demands a bigger gun and says, “I ain’t trying to rob stagecoaches, I need something with which I can set it off. Like those trivia people in Madison.”

It was at that moment I set down my pencil and told my teachers I wouldn’t be listening to any more of their brainwashing. Real knowledge comes from the streets. From living life. I knew what I was to do. And here we are, 22 years later. Ready for trivia.  

It all comes full circle tonight, because while no one is trying to rob stagecoaches, there is an entire category on horse thieves. Of course, that is not take anything away from some of the other fine categories that we have tonight. I mean Sex and the City…lakes of North America…current events, wild card and WTF all full of nonsense. Bruh, I can’t wait to see who sets it off tonight.

If you think it’s bound to be your team, all you need to do get to Glass Nickel Pizza on Atwood and find us in the basement. The show starts at 7pm. See you there.

Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia…The Legend Continues

Stalwarts. That’s how I would classify the Up & Under teams. These MFers are hanging in there through the good and the bad. And frankly, for some of the teams it’s never really good.

Take Who Pooped in the Pool, for example. Not only are they not winning, due to archaic laws and something called Brady Street Street Justice (Clearly this is from a time before Bamboo Harvester of Sorrow, or they would have just called it Brady Street Justice, or BSJ) they are locked into domestic servitude under the oversight of Lewis, until their rank improves. Consider all the laundry that has been done, all the lawns mowed and all the sidewalks shoveled by just this one team. It seems bonkers that they keep coming back. Yet they do. And last night they once again signed up for a week of housework by only scoring 36 points.  

Ahead of them, winning some sort of prize, it was Shiva Kamini putting up 44 points. Wet Dreamcast cobbled together 53 points and Trivia Newton John nabbed the top spot with 66 points.

Tonight, we’re going to get down with the oldies, pumping a full 50 questions of classics at Tracks Tavern. If you haven’t been to a classics show, it’s highly recommended. Even if you played a the show when it was in first run, you can still come back and play again. Sure, you might remember one or two of the questions, but chances are you remember zero of the answers. So get a team together, and come hang out with Celebrity Guest Host Andy Berg. And because the show is at Tracks you know there is going to be great food, a solid beer selection and a relatively cool waitstaff.

The show starts at 7pm. See you there.

The Company Brewing Return

It’s good to see the crowd at Company Brewing welcomed Nick back with open arms and excellent, if unsurprising in convention, names.

We’re going to go over last night’s team scores like they were Drake, starting at the bottom. But in this case we’re talking about the teams that are really struggling, not some perceived bottom that comes from being raised in a wealthy Toronto suburb and having spent one’s youth starring as a wheelchair-assisted high schooler in a relatively successful teen drama. Tell me how it is on these streets,  Aubrey. You ever had the misfortune of crashing your bike after the front wheel got caught in the street car tracks, even though it was completely your fault because for your entire cycling life you’ve been told to cross the tracks perpendicular, but one day you got lazy. You slipped. You approached the tracks at angle, like a bear. Huh? Aubrey? What the fuck? You ever fallen on the ice when you had to move to the outer part of the sidewalk because all these weirdos from Australia come blasting out of Roots on Bloor, completely unaware of society out here on these streets? Take your ass back to Eaton Centre, Aubrey.

Anyway, Sober January Is Soooooo Long scored 37 points and Henley-am Neeson scored 45. Lake ChargoggagoggmanchauggauggagogchabunagungamUGG ™ Boots scored 46, and Las Serpientes de Túnel got docked 15 points because they don’t give a fuck about rules and put seven players on their team. They had 47 at the end.

Nickturnal Emissions (Potential best team name of 2018, right there) dropped 60 and earned third place. While What About Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah snatched second with 66. And on top it was Something Obscene and Inscrutable with 72 points.

Tonight, we’re moving on to the Up & Under on Brady street. It will be none other than Lewis, who oddly enough, also spent his teen years pretending to use a wheelchair, at the helm. He’ll be firing off fifty top-notch questions and encouraging you to have just one or two more PBRs. If this sounds like something you might be into, get yourself to the Up & Under tonight. The show starts at 7pm.

And We’re Back!

It’s a big Monday here at Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia, because as of tonight we are back at Company Brewing.

That’s right! Your boy Nick will be back on the mic, tossing out questions and maybe a few sharp barbs. Who knows, maybe he’ll even sit down with Tunnel Snakes and offer to help, only to drive their score down and cost them a first place finish. It wouldn’t be the first time, would it Tunnel Snakes?

This might work out really well for all the other teams, assuming they can keep Nick away from their table. Another tip that will do you well tonight. Take a few minutes to study things like Horse Thieves, Sex and the City and Lakes of North America. I want to you take consider that trifecta for a moment. Then, toss in a healthy dose of snowboarding message boards,  Triumph motorsickle forums and chainsaw-based ASMR channels and consider what my Google search profile looks like.

Now that you have the keys to success in this week’s trivia match, all you need to do is get your team together and get yourselves to Company Brewing in Riverwest. There will be food, there will be drinks and there will be good times. The show starts at 7pm.

Week 2 Recap

It’s been a minute since I’ve handled a proper recap, so let’s just jump right into it. The basement of Glass Nickel Pizza was about to burst at the seams. Not unlike my own clothes on the account of the 700 pounds I’ve put on since the birth of my daughter, but that is beside the point.

There was only one new team, Cherry Bitch. If you couldn’t tell from that name, they were a team on the edge. They lived fast and died young. They actually died somewhere around category seven and walked out, ending their night with 12 points. Ahead of them it was The Shitholeans who racked up 22 points. Let me tell you something about Los Shitholeans–Never have I seen a team so close on so many answers. That picture in WTF? They insisted it was Judith Slaying Holofernes. SLAYING. Meanwhile Caitlin and Alex polished their shared monocle and said “Actually, it’s Judith Beheading Holofernes by Caravaggio. We’ve got a collective 17 degrees in various forms of art and art history, so do not fuck with us. There is nothing we know as well as art.” Then Alex stops but Caitlin continues, whispering, “Except the sweet Canadian musk of Alex Trebek in person.” Caitlin is creepy as hell sometimes.

Tickles for Nickels scratched together 36 points, but got topped by Good Enough. This is the team that has been requesting Stargate since they first arrived. So then I drop some Stargate: Knowledge on them and they tell me they specifically meant SG-1. Like Stargate: Atlantis, Continuum and Penetration have no weight in the Stargate universe. Canon snobs. Good Enough nabbed 37 points, after taking their extra-player deduction.

Friends Without Borders, landed themselves squarely in mediocrity with 39 points. This, after last time they showed up, stood on a table and yelled, “S my D MFers” then took first place. Well, Who’s S-ing Ds now FWBs?

Clever Girl put up 47 points. If I were them I would have walked out after the first round came up as The Knights Templar. It only went downhill from there. Also at 47 points was Social Animals who got docked 30 for extra players, but proved themselves to be a solid team of contenders if they could drop the dead weight (YOU KNOW WHO I’M TALKING ABOUT). Bitch Planet decided to grace us with her presence and tossed up 58 points on a solo mission. Neal of Fortune put together a 60 point game for third place. Somehow Spoonday, Bardy Spoonday has maintained a level of cool among the chaos, sliding their way onto the podium for the past few weeks and taking second place last night with 70 points.

Then it was Laura Dern and the High-necked Dresses taking the top spot with 90 points. Of course, that’s 90 points with Hannah on board, which is like 25 points without. Hannah is the Aaron Rodgers of trivia. Which I guess makes me Mike McCarthy. Imagine my office for a moment, VHS tapes of old trivia games playing on a loop like that video from The Ring. mountains of Arby’s wrappers all over the place. A couple half-eaten Beef-n-Cheddar sammies. Countless puddles of melted Jamocha shake. And a stack of maybe 35 Curly Fries containers. It shouldn’t surprise you that those are empty. You know I’m pouring those into my mouth, using that rigid cardboard sleeve as a funnel to be sure I get every last morsel of deep fried goodness. I am a disgusting human being. Suddenly, by landline phone rings and a voice says, “Seven Days.” Which means we’ll do it all again next week.

(No title)

And here we are, barely knuckle deep in 2018 and MFers are already complaining about trivia being too hard.
And that’s from someone who helped write the questions.

So Tunnel Snakes lost the classics round last night by one point because they had too many people on their team. It seems Nick may have doubly screwed them.

Anyway, tonight we’re moving on to the Glass Nickel show in Madison. We’ll find out if Laura Dern and the High-necked Dresses can maintain top billing. Or will Heisenberg steal the show. Perhaps it will be Guess Harder, if they could ever actually manage to show up two weeks in a row. Or maybe Neal of Fortune will retake the top spot being they may or may not have bribed me with a glorious vinyl offering.Only time will tell who takes first place tonight. If you think you’ve got it in , or you just want to see how it plays out, I suggest getting to Glass Nickel Pizza on Atwood and find us in the basement. As always, the show starts at 7pm. See you there.

Steve Harvey Cold Snaps

Assuming anyone can even gather the strength to leave their homes and face the this weather one more time, we should have a good match tonight at Glass Nickel Pizza.

Let’s run down the list: Eric is already back in Montana or Wyoming or whatever great expanse of a western state he calls home. Kathleen and Travis, who has proven themselves time and time again to been the brains of the Neal of Fortune operation, are currently ice climbing Niagara Falls. The Spoony Bards will come close but fall apart in the end, because that’s how they play trivia. Neil is still recovering and I suspect floating on a cloud of percoset. Dominic will probably miss the first 10 questions, and Tickles for Nickels is only in the game when Drink Tickets are in play.

And that has me hyped. The winner’s circle is wide open and we’ve got a solid 10 rounds. Talmbout spacemans, and college bowls or college bowlers, The Great State of Michigan and a bunch of other things. On top of that, Simon will be hustling food. Jake will be there making all sorts of craft cocktails and lecturing you simpletons about the importance of a true neutral spirit, like the vodka he uses at home to make his special beef stick- and pretension-infused drinks. And there will be prizes.

All you have to do is be there tonight. We’ll be in the basement of the . The show starts at 7pm. See you there.

New year. Classic me.

Think back to your childhood. How many times do you think your father woke up on January first, or second, or third, and said, “That’s it. New Year. New Me.” Then he drove to Sears and bought some free weights. Maybe he stopped at JC Penney and grabbed a new pair of athletic shorts touting the 1984 Summer Olympics in Los Angeles. When he got home, he dropped the needle on side two of Physical Graffiti and the tell-tale riffs of Kashmir ripped through the speakers announcing daddy’s inaugural workout.  

You know Pops never stuck to that routine and those shorts got embarrassing real fast. And that’s where he fucked up. You can’t take something old, in this case Led Zeppelin, and make it part of something new. That’s why a classic rock station can play two-for-Tuesdays of Led Zeppelin and Eric Clapton all day, and everyone else just listens to podcasts. If it’s a classic, let it live in the world of classics. Don’t try to throw a new patch over an airbrushed wizard and call it a new jean jacket.

Maybe if he had been pumping early INXS your dad would be one of those weird, old man bodybuilders to this day.

It’s with that mindset that we present another week of Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Classics at Tracks. These aren’t brand new questions, but I can assure you they are all rock fucking solid. It’s just the hits. There will be food. There will be seemingly unending drinks. There will be Celebrity Guest Host Andy Berg. And all that makes for a really good time. Then again, there are no bad times at Tracks.

Just imagine, if your Father had woken up on that January day so many years ago, said to himself, “That’s it. New year. Classic me” picked up a bag of questionable weed, a sixer of Schlitz, and spent the day hanging out by a lake. Zeppelin coming through the Blaupunkt car stereo speakers. I am 100% certain that routine would continue to this day. That’s the power of Classics.

So, if this sounds like something you might be into, I suggest you find yourself at Tracks Tonight. We’ll be in the back room and show starts at 7pm.

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