Freezin’ All Week

Word on the street is the entire city of Milwaukee is in a deep freeze. Not to be confused with the city’s typical status of “very chill’. Some people might even consider Milwaukee a no drama mama.

But don’t fret, as things are about to thaw tonight.

“Thaw” might be an understatement. Don’t be surprised if you drive by Company Brewing tonight and the windows are fogged over like those of a sedan from a 1980s movie set in the 1950s in which a time travelling, skateboarding werewolf almost has sex with his own mother. A classic family film. Yeah, dude, it’s about to get hot.

 

I guess what I’m getting at here is Nick is nearly locked and loaded with 50 questions that should at least warm your soul with anger and frustration. He’s going to be talking about things like the cats of instagram, food movies and the 2019 Dakar Rally Recap. I don’t want to prejudge the people playing trivia but I suspect those cats of instagram scores will be significantly better than the Dakar Rally scores.

Regardless of your areas of expertise or ignorance, you’re going to want to be at Company Brewing tonight. The show starts at 7pm. See you there.

Let The Winter League Begin

Madison, I hope all you players are relaxing today. These last few hours before the Winter League begins are not about learning more, it’s about getting your mind right. This is the classic dichotomy of the trivia mind, you want to be sharp, but not too sharp. That’s why some players are here, at Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Global Headquarters, Rap Emporium and Curated Content Chopshop, attending out first ever Winter League Prep Course today.

Obviously, it’s too late to sign up for this session, but we’ll be running these all-day courses before the start of each league from here on out. For an exorbanate fee you’ll be given insight into the coming league and some tips for relaxing so hard. Imagine you’ve just shelled out, maybe like $350 (that’s a fair fee, right). I wave you into the office, but don’t really acknowledge you, I just direct you over to a line up of six folding chairs, and half-heartedly mention, “I think maybe one or two of those is or are broken.”

You’re welcome to help yourself to some coffee, but not the good coffee, the store brand roast. We’re not sure if it’s light or a dark roast, but looking into the bag it does seem that most of the beans have been heated. Anyway, no one will actually tell you about the coffee.

Then, you’ll get to listen to me argue with myself about the use Jewishness as a filter through which to watch the second season of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, but also how the exaggerated expression of the culture robs an already unstable sophomoric effort of any terra firma, at best slowing the voyage through the series and at worst becoming a quicksand of questions that engulfs viewers in thoughts of “Is this a jewish joke?” “I am only uncomfortable with this because I am part of the goyim? Is it goy or goyim? Goyim on first occurrence and goy on subsequent?” Am I even allowed to say that? Shit, am I an anti-semite?”

Eventually, one of the interns will bring in a framed poster of Alex Trebek. Nick will stand behind it and answer questions through a crudely cut hole where Trebek’s canadian mouth was. In the end you’ll walk away thinking, “Tony Shalouber alles. Is that going to be a Bamboo Harvester.”

Anyway, sign-up for the next session starts soon.

Until then, get yourselves to Glass Nickel Pizza tonight. There will food and drinks and heavy league action. The show starts at 7pm and we’ll be in the basement. See you there.

 

Thanks to Caitlin S. for today’s image.

 

Boosted!

 

To anyone keeping score, I suggest you mark down week three as the first time we had a full trivia squad again. We’ve got Up & Under firing tonight. We’ve got Madison kicking off a winter league on Thursday. This must be like how the Golden State Warriors are going to feel when Demarcus Cousins rejoins the line-up this week. There may finally be a reason for Warriors fans to wake from their naps. Just kidding, the Warriors we will still be boring.

I should also note that I blew it by not getting a post up for the Company Brewing crowd. I know it’s a not a good excuse, but I was out, creeping through your Brew City streets looking for late-1990s Honda Accord Wagons to steal. It truly was one of the finest estate wagons brought to the US market. The good news is I found one. The bad news is Tunnelsnake Kate had her late-1990s Honda Accord Wagon Grand Theft Auto-ed and that sucks. The thieves also took her camping chair.

Of course, things could be worse. Kate could be a member of A Hot Messopotamia, who could only scratch together 34 points last night. The Best Joose Drain Joose Down New Year New Me Ever Put up 47 points and Ina Garten Da Vida scored 50. Hipsterectomy put up 64, but rightfully got topped by Gentrifiers of Catan with 66. At 77 points it was a tie between Das Tunnelsnakes and A Couple Muggles, Two Squibs and A Hippogriff. Scrambled Eggs nabbed second place with 79 points and Alive Girl took home the win with 85.

Tonight we roll down the street to the Up & Under on Brady Street. We’ll be covering Triumphant Returns, Celebrity Chefs and Harry Potter deep cuts. Lewis and Andy will be at the helm and the show starts at 7pm. See you there.

 

Post Pandemic Post

Greetings Trivia Players!

And welcome to the first, all-2019 show. That’s right. We’re not going to be dealing with any more residual 2018 questions. No more time-sensitive facts that are no long relevant or even factual.

No no, all the old questions are gone. And to be sure everything is fresh, we’ve had a cut-rate haz-mat team here at the Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Global Headquarters and Rap Emporium. They were actually cleaning up after a long and painful series of outbreaks of various sicknesses here at the offices.

One person told me that I would not be so good on the Oregon Trail. I explained to them while this may be cholera, that sweet, sweet blue death, I am not the dysentery type. That said, there is no way I would have even made it out of Missouri. It actually got so bad I took to opening most correspondence with “It’s yer boi, Typhoid Greggy”. This proved to be the second worst thing I’ve said during a hiring process.

The worst being the time a potential employer asked what my biggest weakness was and I said “I think my biggest weakness is that I have explosive try-arrhea”. I then went on to explain the wordplay.

Anyway, trivia is hitting hard tonight. This is your last week of practice before the winter league starts in Madison. We’re coming at you with categories like Nancy Drew, Muscles and Fitness, and all things Rush. If you think this is your night to shine, or you’re looking for one more night of practice, you need to get yourself to Glass Nickel Pizza on Atwood. We’ll be in the basement and the show starts at 7pm. See you then.

 

New Year, Even More Killer Trivia.

Imagine this being read to you in reggae voice, with a dump of vocalizations. Biddip, bwap bwap. Biddup. Biddup. With a heavy 2000-era dancehall rhythm just hammering.

Madison. Madison. Madison. Madison. Madison. Close up 2018. Light up 2019.

Trivia in Madison. Madison. Madison. Madison. Madison. Madison.

Seven PM. Glass Nickel. Seven PM. Seven PM. GNP Madison.

We in the Basement. We with them Bass men. We the underground. GNP basement.

Seven PM. Madison Madison. Madison. Madison. Madison. Madison. GNP Basement.

I hope you got that, because I still have to write a show for tonight. We’ll talk about saints, fictional bars and something about King of the Hill.

See you there.

 

Glass Nickel Year Ender

Glass Nickel Players, the time has come. Tonight is your one chance to play the Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Year in Review show. It’s your one chance to go out on top. And as a bonus, it’s your last chance in 2018 to top . Plus it’s a holiday week, who knows who else is going to show up. Maybe Good Enough. Maybe Fuck the EFG. Maybe Eric Krszjzaniek and his crew if they’re in town. Regardless of who shows up, it’s gonna be massive.

Imagine yourselves next week, when trivia takes it’s one week off, getting all twisted up thinking, “Do I need to remember this for current events? Could this be a WTF? Are we going to have to talk about Willie Cauley-Stein and how he’s really come into his own with De’Aaron Fox and Buddy Hield at his side, wearing those crisp, Sac Town jerseys, again?”

To keep those concerns at bay for as long as possible you’re going to want to be at Glass Nickel Pizza tonight. I’m going to be there, tossing teams one by one into a pit of 50 unforgiving questions. Jake will be there, tossing drinks one by one to thirsty patrons. Emmett might be there hustling pizzas two by two, like biblical animals into the Noah’s Ark of your bellies.

It will all be a very good time. If you wanna get in on this, all you have to do is get to GNP to night. We’ll be in the basement, and the show starts at 7pm. See you there.

 

Closing Out the CoBrew Year

 

Milwaukee, Put your hands together for the year 2018.

2018, everybody! Twenty eighteen.

Company Brewing players this is your last show of the year. That means it’s going to be an entire night of 2018 questions. 50 questions of Year in Review bombs.

But you know what isn’t a Year in Review bomb? Wisconsin’s Hardest Nick bringing all sorts of holiday heat to CoBrew tonight. You’re not going to want to miss this. There will be categories on Film, Music and Literature.

And if you’re saying, “Those are pretty generic tips for studying, Wisconsin’s Hardest Greg”, maybe you’ll feel better when I tell you there will also be a category on politics, sports, and the usuals, WTF, wild card and current events. That’s almost a full show you’ve got insight into, now let’s see what you can do with that knowledge.

Get yourself to Company Brewing in Riverwest tonight. Flex on all those other fools and walk out a winner. It’s that easy.

The Show starts at 7pm. See you there.

 

The Ol’ Milwaukee Redeemer

Milwaukee, I saw the roster and I’ve seen the scores from last night’s show at CoBrew. I gotta be honest, you’re not looking so hot right now. Sure, you could blame the host, or the people who write the questions, but I think we all know whose fault these scores are.

What a Hot Messopotamia barely made it out alive. They scored a paltry 19 points like they’ve been taking lessons from some of the Madison teams. Tunnelsnakes somehow cobbled together 36 points. And when I say cobbled I don’t know referencing a cobbler like Gramma used to make that was basically a cake pan full of trash-ass macintosh apples with some flavorless crust on top or a pair of dumb shoes made by Oscar-winner Dan Lewis. Best Viking Ever grabbed third place with 43 points. Scrambled Eggs planted their flag in second place and Like a Sturgeon took home the top spot with 63.

Now, Milwaukee, certainly you can do better than that. And your chance to prove that is just hours away. So hone your trivia skills and get your rumps to Up & Under on Brady street. Lewis, a man who demands everything he orders at a Dairy Queen be handed to him upside-down like a Blizzard,  will be tossing out 50 questions and as many as 50 answers. The show starts at 7pm. See you there.

 

How the Internet Works

Well, well, well. If it’s not past, current and potential players of Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised to find you here. Partially because this is the internet and you’ve brought this to you. Wherever you are, you’ve brought me, to you. That’s the power of the internet. It all comes to you.

I mean, imagine you’re at your parents home during the interyulian period. It’s your mom, a sibling, that sibling’s significant other, and you, Wisconsin’s Hardest Player. Dinner is finished and you’ve already had a couple cookies. One was just a basic cut-out sugar cookie. Maybe it was in the shape of a donkey or a church or a baby named The Christ Child, I don’t know, but the other one was a pfeffernussen because you’re not afraid to bring a touch of savory into your dessert. Delicious.

Anyway, dinner is finished and you know sibling and a sibling significant other are going to handle the dishes and cleanup. So you lean back in your chair and and say, “The dinner was great, mom. If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go cruise some filth sites on the old information superhighway. Route 69, if you know what I’m saying. Coast to coast, baby.  And on my way I’ll see what’s up with Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia.”

Now, you’re not literally to physical filth sites. You have to wait at least an hour after dinner to do that. It’s like swimming. You’ll cramp up. Nor are you really joining us for a Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia show. You’re just bringing the idea of Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia to you. And that is how the internet works.

If you do want to get down with some IRL trivia, Company Brewing is the place to be tonight. You really think you’re going to find Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia on Water Street or in the Third Ward? Bayview? Waukesha County? C’mon. You know this strictly real deal, grime and grit trivia. The hardest of the hard trivias. So hard in fact, tonight we’re discussing badass things like Winter Sports and Activities, Freshwater Fish and of course we’ll have a Christmas category.

When you are ready to handle trivia this hard, get a crew together and get yourself to Company Brewing in Riverwest. I’m talking about doing this for real. You can’t Go To Meeting this. Get down these, grab a few drinks and something to nosh and let Wisconsin’s Hardest Nick toss 50 hard ones your way. The show starts at 7pm. See you then.

Week 49 Recapper

 

There was a lot of hullabaloo at Glass Nickel Pizza last night. Like a man can’t wear bangs and without a room full of people giving him shit for it. I mean Neil had a new haircut. No one asked to take pics of him with his little boy hair to send to their missing team members.  

Neil and the Dern team went on to dominate the whole show. They won with an 84 points. Second place went to Neal of Fortune with their 79 points. TV Dogs played the drink ticket game well enough to push them up to 75 points, which secured third place. Spoony Bards tossed 67 points on the wall.

In the middle of the pack, Guy Fieri’s Dropped Balls played five drink tickets to end the night with 49 points. At 46, it was the two-person Clever Girl squad. Lady Posse was in the house. They kept telling me it was their night to win. They also kept saying “winning!” then as an aside they would add “Like Charlie Sheen. You get it, Greg? You get it?” They clearly didn’t win.

Good Enough didn’t win, but more importantly they also didn’t lose. They said something about, “At least we’re not Fuck the EFG.”

You know who is Fuck the EFG? Fuck the EFG, that’s who. I was fully on board with team. They’re funny, maybe even fun and I suspect one of these weeks they may make a run at a middle-of-the-pack or low podium spot. But last night it got all sorts of weird because Gale or Gayle or Ga-el or Gayel or G.A.I.L. started asking way too many questions about my kid. “How big is she? What size onesie does she wear? What’s her blood type? SSN? Have you put her in a bag and beat her to ring in the holiday season, Krampus-style, yet?”

India Pail Gale is weird as hell. Anyway, we’ve still got tees. We’re down to 1 black metal tee and 6 shoulda doubled shirts. They’re all Larges and each is $20. Get them while they’re hot.
See you all next week.

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