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Harlem

Langston Hughes once asked, “What happens to a dream deferred?” And I think we’re all still providing the answer to that question. Nick, not only a co-founder of Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia, but also our Poet-in-Residence, asked last night, “What happens to a League Final deferred?” Does it stink like rotten meat? Certainly. But it is not nearly as foul as not having league prizes.

So good news Milwaukee! You get one more week of league play! That means last night’s match will be added to the mix. That means Tits & Giggles and their 95 soul-crushing points have added to their league total. That means Once Brilliant Detectives Formerly Known As Reclusive Wankers, who scored 75 points, which was good enough for second place on the night, let one slip on the league totals. And Scrambled Eggs, who put up 52 points for the night and got third place, is suddenly in the hunt. But then there is Gilmore Girls Gone Wild, they scored 32 points, which may not seem like a lot. But when the team directly above them, Tunnel Snakes, only scores 16, it means they’re creeping up. Watch out Tunnel Snakes, they’re coming for you, and those MFers hunt with chainsaws.

Now, what of Madison?

Well, let me tell you. We had a couple of young bloods show up. Sure they started off as Kitty Kitty Meow Meow and ended the night as The Cleveland Browns of Trivia. And maybe that’s kind of accurate, with their nine points on the evening. But they had that spark in their eyes. I’m guaranteeing double digits when they come back next week. Liquid Riot, who started the night with an infant on the team and ended with me thinking I was going to have to go one-on-one with one of the players, racked up 35 points. It was a classic from second best to second worst slip for them. T.W.A.T., no strangers to uncomfortable positions, found themselves in the middle with 41 points. Just ahead of them was Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot & Prongs, who knew a Firefly category was coming, who specifically brought in Emily to help with the Firefly category, who then choose to double Font or Fontanella. They had 48 points and took home third place.

Then after a grueling category about Maths we had Neal of Fortune and Charge of the Slut Brigade battling it out on top. Listen, I’m more of an ideas-man. These numbers, these “imaginary numbers”, these Omega constants, these aren’t for me. So when someone tells me “Euler’s number” is pronounced “Oiler’s Number” that seems sensible. But I draw the line when someone tells me, “It’s pronounced ‘Oilers’, but it’s spelled ‘e.” That seems like some shit, mathematics-ers. “It’s spelled E-U-L-E-R, but it’s pronounced Oiler, like the former Houston Oilers, but it’s also spelled with a lowercase e.” GODDAMNIT.

I’m well aware only about 35% of what I say or write is coherent. So I’m cool with a bit of nonsense. In the garden at Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Global Headquarters and Rap Emporium we put up a statue of Lewis Carroll with a plaque that reads, “How is a writing desk like a raven?” I’ve read books on hard nihilism. I once spent three weeks smoking opium and copying Seabiscuit word for word, hoping I would get some sort of class credit, but honestly, I was looking for the real meaning of the story. So I’m real cool with most ideas. But, “It’s spelled E-U-L-E-R, but it’s pronounced Oiler, like the former Houston Oilers, but it’s also spelled with a lowercase e”? Effe that.

Whatever, it all worked out in the end. Neal of Fortune put up 60 points, but were knocked out out first place by Charge of the Slut Brigade who scored 62 points. FOR. THE. WIN.

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