On The Streets of Old Milwaukee


Hey-o Winchestrians, it’s your night to shine. Imagine you are any of the Pfefferman characters in Transparent. No matter what else is going on, it’s all eyes on the Winchester. The Winchester’s shit is more important. And we’ll allow it this week, but only because it’s your fall league finals. Also, your mother, played by Judith Light, is fantastic.

That said, we should take a hard look at what going on. While it may seem like a sure thing for certain teams, no one knows what’s going to happen. Imagine, the Once Brilliant Detectives Formerly Known As Reclusive Wankers and their 30 points decide not to show up. Or what if Tits & Giggles were heading towards the Winchester and they suddenly experienced a time slip. They could find themselves walking on the Streets of Ol’ Milwaukee–”Oh, look! There’s the Klode Furniture store. Let’s catch a ride on the Rexnord streetcar, maybe that will take us back to 2016 and our 23 points and our most likely second place finish”. But it won’t. That’s not a time machine, it’s a fucking streetcar. Suckers. Better go assassinate Hitler. Or buy stock in Google.

Clearly, I have no idea during which era The Streets of Old Milwaukee is set.

And what if the Tunnel Snakes suddenly came in and announced their scores were now worth triple and they would have more than enough to become the league champions. This may seem unlikely, but they’re fucking snakes. Descendants of that garden dweller who convinced Eve to devour an apple. Or perhaps they are more closely related to the deadly cobra, like the one in the video of Martin Denny’s Misalou. That thing is super deadly. Anyway, Tunnel Snakes have 18 points.

Gimore Girls Gone Wild is sitting at 13 league points right now. And at 4 points it’s Wilson Sans Wilson and Scrambled Eggs. Maybe that’s where the real contest is. Or maybe Craig T Nelson Mandela will take a little time away from retro-fitting vape cannons into first edition Teddy Ruxpins for trading at Burning Man and decide to grace us with their presence. They would have zero points and no chance at winning, but that would be pretty great.

And of course there are heaps of teams at 1 and 2 points.

So, get down to The Winchester tonight to see how the autumn league shakes out. And if you’re in Madison, we’re in the middle of our fall league so there is still plenty of time to grab the throne from any of the teams at the Glass Nickel. Shows at both locations start at 7pm. Get there and get wild.

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