The Return

Look who’s back now, fools and trivia pl-pl-players alike, it is I. And I have returned to drop trivia knowledge and unwanted meanderings upon you.

With me is the newest addition to the Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Family, my daughter Inez Ophira. She’s pretty great for being 12 days old. Sure, she was unable to identify Hirst’s The Physical Impossibility of Death in the Mind of Someone Living, but she’s 12 days old. And she had never seen it before. Also, I don’t know how well baby’s eyes work.

I’m also back because the paternity leave benefits from Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia are pure trash, but the protection offered at Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Global Headquarters and Rap Emporium is top notch. Protection and isolation are crucial components to life here at WHTGHQ+RE. In fact, upon entering our Trunch Lake location, all guests pass through a gate, and on the arch above that gate it reads Verndun. Einangrun. Apathy. Which in Nick’s native Icelandic means “Protection. Isolation. Apathy.”

Then there is the fact that if I’m not here holding down the social media fort, people flip out. Players are messaging me across multiple platforms at all hours of the day–“Is there trivia tonight at Company Brewing?” “Does tonight’s show starts at 7pm, like always?” “Do you have any clues?” “I’m not Steve Bannon. I’m not up here trying to suck my own cock, but check out this gif, or gif, or however you say it.”

I’m also here to make sure you’re going into this week’s shows with the knowledge you need to be successful. Who else is going to tell you to start looking at some Wu-tang Clan deep catalog works, the Incan Empire, or famous noses? No one else is going to tell you those things.

What can I say, I’m happy to be back to working these 20 minute days.

Nick is kicking off this week with his Company Brewing show. There are just way too many teams to mention rolling through that place these days. Why wouldn’t there be. It’s a Monday night with a solid trivia show, even solider food,and the most solid beers east of Golden, Colorado. All you have to do is get your team together and get there early enough to grab a seat. The show starts at 7pm.

Crowd Sourced Up In Here

What Up What Up, Milwaukee?

Now that I’ve properly greeted the city as a whole, I’d like to take it down a little bit. Imagine we are going from a full Odd Future jam to a Frank Ocean solo fuck track. Or, to make it something you might better understand, this is like the really quiet part of Blister in the Sun. This is when I get to tell the Company Brewing crowd, “This one’s for you, baby.”

Y’all got a crowd-sourced show popping off with some bruisers in the submitted categories department. Now, I know you came come here hoping I’d be dropping hints like,“Oh, the Reclusive Wankers submitted a Bamboo Harvester of Sorrow category, so did Tits & Jibbles, and so did the Chunnel Snakes.” I’m not gonna blow up some team’s spot like that. Plus, a crowd-sourced show that is all Bamboo Harvester variants is more of a Glass Nickel thing to do.

I will tell you that you’re staring down a whole heap of questions submitted by your competitors. But, you will have the old standards. Of course you’ll be seeing a Current Events, probably a WTF category and even a Mild Card. And maybe, just maybe, you’ll get to see a little something about the Life and Times of Garry Gengurch, but I don’t know what the fuck Nick has up his sleeve.

Now, we’re all starting to feel like the whispering part of Blister in the Sun has gone on too long. Certainly this can’t continue, yet the entire is venue is silent. All you hear is “…and I’m so strung out, I’m high as a kite, I just might…”

Then, from the back of the room, a voice lisps, “Ugh, I fucking get it Milwaukee, 1980s college rock for days. This band is 100% trash and they are certainly no Dead Milkmen.” Then a stool gets knocked over and the exit door is kicked open so the voice can leave.

It me. I’m that.

Be at Company Brewing tonight at 7pm. Bring a crew and your brains, Nick might even play some Violent Femmes.

Again the Solstice

Again the solstice, the longest day of the year. Though all these Wednesdays feel long. Nothing to prepare for. Just simply delivering the news of how yesterday was. We already witnessed the birth of the dynasty. Then, back then, it was a just a win for 3 Guys on a Fact Hunt. And we joked about them toppling the Whispering Goat Whores. And now we are gripped in the strong fist of trivia dominance.

That’s the natural order today. Those 3 Guys with their 74 points. Trivia Newton John walks away with 71. Then, the numbers drop, the excitement wanes, and we arrive at 63. The number of The Whispering Goat Whores.

Then Bowser/Domino/Eddie, a naming convention it seems I should know, but one laden with a simplicity I cannot trust. A name that scored 55. And 48 points went to The Stallions. Animals we speak of less and less. Just in my life, in my years we’ve become that much further removed from the songs and film and ideas of wild horses. Does society think less about horses, or is this what aging is, we think less about horses? Do children today still have this dream that somewhere there is a team of palominos running across the land, all percussion and snorts and dust? What about quicksand? And lava?

And then there was Who Pooped in the Pool, with their 29 points and realized joy of simply playing trivia. They are all good teams. The best we’ll talk about until Friday morning.

Consider now how you will spend this longest day. Change every plan and go to water. Sit on the shore and sip coffee or booze. Get in if you can. Bring a copy of Jennifer Chang’s Again A Solstice and read it one million times.

Company Brewing Keeps on Rising


The Company Brewing teams have done it again. Packing in and throwing down. That’s the name of the game over there. So let see these scores, shall we?

At 44 points last night it was, which seems more like the name of some 1990s website. Impressively high score for a last place finish. Just ahead of them, it was the Red Shirts at 45 and Somebody’s Got A Case Of The Mondays at 49. Gilmore Girls Demogorgone Wild only put up 54 points, but continued their dominance in the name game. They were upstaged by the original Gilmore Girls Gone Wild, who put up 67.

At 70 points it was Hey Nick, Booker T Was The Last WCW Champion Formerly Known As Bite My Junk Suckrod Formerly Known As Smooth By Santana Featuring Rob Thomas of Matchbox 20. Yeah, that’s their full name. It’s like this team is having real trouble leaving their past in the past. The mystery behind this team would make for the shortest and pretty much least entertaining season of Somebody Knows Something, a CBC Original Podcast hosted by David Ridgen.

With 79 points, it was Tits & Giggles. The fact they didn’t even land in the top three this week makes me think Pratik must be out of town, or may be he just got shouted down by all the raging hate mongers on that team.

Third place went to Laverne & Don’t Call Me Shirley who ended the night with 87 points. Word on the street is Tunnel Snakes had a horse expert on their team last night. That was all they needed to land in second place with 89 points. Then, reclaiming their throne with a solid 91-point win it was the Reclusive Wankers.

Now we move on to Up & Under on Brady Street tonight. If you’re looking for a drinks and jokes and trivia, you’re going to want to be there. Celebrity guest host Andy Berg and Lewis, the first person to speculate the ancient aliens theory is simply a hoax to hide the fact that throughout most of human history, people were horrible rock carvers and that those “spaceships” may represent finely crafted porkpie hats and that haberdashers may truly be humanity’s oldest profession, will be running show. And as they do every week, they kick it off at 7pm.

(No title)

Up and Under kept riding that wave of summertime trivia success. The were able to pack a couple extra teams into the place for a quick slaughtering. I kind of feel bad for the teams that stumbled into this, I know how hard it can be to suffer a trivia loss. At the same time, I’m pretty sure the Up & Under is running super Cheap PBRs on trivia night, so I’m not that concerned. They’ll get over it.

But it wasn’t the new teams that finished last. No, no. that honor goes to Who Pooped In The Pool. The gutter score mainstays were somehow able to scrape up 14 points through ten rounds. This then leads me to ask, and I’m embarrassed to only come to this inquiry now, does anyone on the Who Pooped in the Pool team speak english? Are they even aware of trivia shows happening around them each week, or have all of their correct answers simply been serendipity? The world may never know.

Anyway, they were topped by the Coprolites who put up 15 points. Our next stop was at 27, where the other new team, The Baculums, closed out their evening. Then we get to jump all the way up to 58 points, where Bowser-Domino-Eddie parked themselves for the night. The good news is that was good enough for third place. Second place went to THE Whispering Goats Whores pt. Un. They were able to cobble together 73 points on the evening. And as is quickly becoming the norm at the Up & Under, 3 Guys on a Fact Hunt scored 79 points and took home first place.

Well played.

Now I need to make sure I can cram in a few extra players at Glass Nickel this evening. It’s only the second week of the summer league so there is plenty of time to take the lead. Or, if leagues aren’t your game we’ve got the nightly prizes in the mix as well.

Listen, I don’t want to be the one without some new faces at my show this week. Nick was sitting on like 7 new teams, Lewis and Andy got 2 new teams in a bar that was already at capacity. I need to see some new players.

This is how I’m going to need you all to run this game. You get your 6-person team together. Then, build a second 6-person crew. At the last minute you bail on both of them, but encourage them to still play. Finally, you’re going to roll in at 6:59 with a third crew. If all the regulars do this, we should be sitting on a few hundred players. It will be perfect.

Anyway, Madison, we get to play tonight at Glass Nickel Pizza on Atwood. As usual, we’ll be in the nicely air conditioned basement. It all starts at 7pm.

And Thus Concludes Week One

Madison was looking good last night. Sure, the Glass Nickel scores were kind of horrifying, but the crowd was great. I just looked out from behind my computer and thought, “Trivia, you looking like a bajilli.”

Of course, the scores are where the games are won or lost. The scores are where league points are collected. The scores are what counts. Bitch Planet felt the trivia gods turn their backs last night. Oh, if only Kareem-Abdul Jabber had not been scratched out. Then Bitch Planet would have had more than 36 points. And Bitch Planet would not have been topped by In Poor/Pour/Pore Taste, who ended the night with 37. The Welpy Bards went with a different approach. Yes, Sarah, I received your cookie and I ate that cookie on the drive home, but was that cookie going to earn your team any more points? No. The Welpy Bards ended the night with 43. And just ahead of them it was Clementines with 44. Hyped to have this team hanging around.

Then as we move into the top three, there are teams we should all know by now. The stalwarts among stalwarts, Clever Girl, landed in third place with 60 points. Nell of Fortune, the female contingent of Neal of Fortune, dropped some drink tickets and ended the night with 73, but they came up just short of Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot & Prongs who put up 76 points.

Of course, that also meant Hannah got to remind me that every trivia is different, but they all end the same way. But mark my words Hannah, your empire of worthless knowledge will fucking crumble.

The great news is that this all starts over again next week. Perhaps you should be there.

Growing Up Trivia

There comes a time in every young trivia players life when they have to ask themselves, “is trivia really what I’m into?” Sure, some people know from day one—from that first time they sat in the Horse and Cart in Charleston, South Carolina and listened to a dude named Suhas runs through a series of questions—trivia is where they belong.  

Others don’t have that luxury, they are like a child lost in the wilderness. Perhaps they’ve been taken in by a pack of wolves or raccoons. Sure, they’re getting food and shelter, but have they looked around. Have they asked themselves, “Is this really where I belong? Am I not above these beasts?”

I feel like this must be the quandry The Whispering Goat Whores find themselves in after a few weeks of average-at-best finishes. “Is trivia really the way the should be spending their time. Were all of those wins just lucky? Normal people eat hard-boiled eggs as snacks right?”

Well guess what MFers, once those doubts creep in the pack of wolves you’ve been living with can smell the fear and will turn on you. That’s right Whispering Goats Whores, step up your game or trivia will rip you apart.  No more of this middle of the road trash.

Okay, so breaking down Tuesday Night’s show, Bowser Domino ended the night with 34 points, and Who Pooped in the Pool barely topped them with 36. Wet Dreamcast slipped into third place with 48 points and a perfectly disgusting name. Then it was the Whispering Goat Whores, and their 53 points. But, none of the teams could get close to 3 Guys on a Fact Hunt, who took home the win with 84 points.

Tonight, we get to see what the crowd at Glass Nickel can do. And just a quick reminder that this is the kick off to the summer league. Get your crew together and get to the basement of Glass Nickel. The show starts at 7pm.

And the Summer League Begins

Hey-o! What a wild night to kick off a brand new summer league at Company Brewing. Not only were three a million teams in the house, there was also a hockey game being shown. HOCKEY! Sadly, it wasn’t the Letterkenney Shamrocks playing.

If hockey isn’t your thing, you could have watched trivia. You would have seen the River Ragers put up 37 points at their first outing. Demogorgone But Not Forgotten, far from being a new team, certainly played like one last night and only scored 50 points. The Red Shirts overloaded their team and took the penalty, therefore ending the night with 59 points. Tunnel Snakes also took the penalty and ended the night with 60 points. That cost them third place. These fools are acting like they don’t know how the league works. Super Nintendo Chalmers put up 64 on the night. And Pentagraham Crackers or I Know A Penis When I See One was able to rack up 70 points.

Then, due to penalties, third place when to the Reclusive Wankers. This team know a little bit about trivia and just enough about not overloading teams to close out the night  with 72 points and third place. Pratik & The Dead Weight landed themselves in second place with 87 points. This makes me wonder, who on that team second guessed Pratik with such attitude that he allowed them to switch an answer, thus costing them first place. Finally, last night’s win goes to Gilmore Girls Gone Wild and their 90 points.

The good news is the league is long and there is plenty of time for GGGW to fall.

Heading back over the river, we’re firing up the summer league at the Up & Under tonight. Celebrity Guest Host Andy Berg and Lewis, allegedly the inspiration for the character of Johnny Fontane in The Godfather, will be running the show. They’ll supply the questions, if you and your team supply the answers. Of course, the Up & Under will supply the drinks. All you have to do is be there. The show starts at 7pm.

June One!


The first of June is auspicious, not only because it’s older broder’s birthday, but it’s also trivia day right here in the City of Four Lakes. Now, I’m sure all the Milwaukeeites are saying, “We’ve only got one lake, but it’s a pretty great one. Maybe you’ve heard of it. It’s called Michigan.”

Yeah, I’ve heard of it. And I’ve smelled it, if you know what I’ve mean.

Madison has four really good lakes. Three, if people could come to terms with the fact that Wingra is really just a large pond specifically created for people on stand-up paddleboarding dates. Side note, I also have zero idea as to where Lake Waubesa is. But those last two lakes, Mendota and Monona, those MFers are going to be firing from now until the end of summer. Or until the algae blooms flair up. Or the corpse of Otis Redding rises up and makes a blood sacrifice of all of us. Summer in Madison is really weird.

Anyway, we’re kicking it off correctly tonight at Glass Nickel Pizza with another Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia banger. Anjali is driving the bus one more time. Jake will be slinging drinks. Egon is gonna be waiting tables. And players from all over the city are going to be battling for supremacy.

The show starts at 7pm. All you have to do is be there.


When historians look back at Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia, we want them to focus on that one week, as May waned, in the 2017th year of the christian lord, when Who Pooped In The Pool ascended through the ranks at the Up & Under.

To be clear, what these future people will find won’t be a first place finish. No no. But they will have looked over possibly hundreds of records with Who Pooped in the Pool doing so poorly and ranked so consistently low they may have mistaken the team for a baseline, or possibly some sort of foundational score. But then, they will come to last night’s score and see the words Who Pooped in the Pool in the second-place position. Theories will suddenly be considered faulty, papers will have to be scrapped, it’s hard to say if academia will even survive. This kind of consideration for the future is why we have the scores from each week carved into granite tablets, bundled by month and buried in the field adjacent to the Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Global Headquarters and Rap Emporium scale reproduction of HellTrack. For fun we sometimes add one extra tablet showing renderings of the storyboards from the video for Burn Rubber by The Gap Band.


Of course, the future researchers will continue to brush away the soil and see 3 Guys on a Fact Hunt did finish in first with 78 points, which is significantly higher than Who Pooped in the Pool’s 45. And they will also have to wonder what happened to The Whispering Goat Whores, who only scored 35.


Ahh well, nicely played by all teams. Now I have to go dig hole to bury the May tablets.

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