The Tracks Finale!

Baby Trump


3 Guys on a Fact Hunt. Say it with me now. Tres Chicos en una Caza de Hechos. These ice cold MFers are making a hard run at the league champions. Sure, they won with 88 points last night, but that’s not the whole story. Moonbats, a strong team in their own right, grabbed second with only 65 points. That means Tres Chicos scored 33% more points than their nearest competitor. That is some Serena Williams-level of crushing right there. Off Constantly aka The Putin Pops nabbed an unexpected third place and pushed The Whispering Goat Whores into fourth place. Perhaps the WGW should stick to playing with only one person, so they could get more than 45 points. Then it was Aqua Magma: Here to Fuck Up the Scoring, who scored 39 points and fucked the scoring so much that Bowser-Domino was only able to score 37 points. Rough night at the Up & Under.

Tonight we’re heading over to Tracks for their league finals, but first I have to recap last week’s show because apparently I’m not allowed to take a day off. Like all you Tracks players don’t feel some obligation to write seven-page diatribe about the ending of The OA, when really you should be focusing on the entire series.

Anyway, last week, Nursing Skool’d showed up again, scored 3 points and, if they knew what was good for them, went directly back to the nursing library to learn some facts. Moving way up from there, all the way into double digits, it was Amanda Sucks For Being A Concert who put up 48 points. Then, Demogorgonzola aka Cabrales Diablos aka Blue Cheese Black Soul scored 58 points but found themselves foiled by drink tickets. Beerology dropped enough tickets to get up to 60 points. Gilmore Girls Gone Wild ended up with 69 points and third place. Tits & Giggles laid down some drink tickets for a total of 84 points. But in the end, it was Tunnel Snakes with a clean 87 point win. That is utter domination. I’m so proud of our Tunnel Snakes.

Now, that third place finish by Gilmore Girls Gone Wild sets up a bruiser of a final for tonight’s league ender. They slipped in the league rankings to number two. GGGW has 51 points, while Tits and Giggles has 52. Yes, that is only one point. But that’s one Tits and Giggles point. You really think that is going to come easily?

It gets a little airier going to down the rest of the list. Tunnel Snakes are at 43, Demogonzola is at 26, Beerology is at 18, Wilson Sans Wilson has seven, Nursing Skool’d has four, Amanda Sucks and Alternative Tracks have three, while Little Lebowski Urban Achievers and Big P both have one point.

The final happens tonight. If you want to see how it all shakes out, you’ll need to be at Tracks Tavern. Bring your friends, at least the smart ones, grab some food and drinks and watch the teams duke it out for Tracks supremacy. The show starts at 7pm.

Finals week?


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Settle in, it’s going to be a wild couple of weeks on the trivia front. “Why?” You might ask, and I’ll tell you. You see this week is the league finals if you’re playing at Tracks Tavern or Glass Nickel Pizza. That means super rad prizes, extra giddy hosts and 12 rounds of totally trash questions. That also means next week is a crowd-sourced show, wherein you, the players, get to pick a category, write five questions and present them. But you need to get them to us by next Monday.

However, if you’re playing at the Up & Under, your league is not quite done. You’ve got a few more bruisers to roll through. And I have a feeling it’s still going to get ugly over there. I mean, you’ve got the Whispering Goat Whores walking in tonight with a league-leading 39 points. But Moonbats are at 38 and pissed. Then, not far off that lead is 3 Guys on Fact Hunt, who have 33 points and will probably be making a strong push, like some sort of trivia power bottom. And that is just for the top spots. Who Pooped in the Pool, with their 13 points, are in a struggle with Putin Pops, who have put up 10 points so far this season. So yeah, you might say John Wick is back.

I guess we’ll see how all the teams handle a round of questions like The Great State of South Dakota, Know your NES Games, and Bob’s Burgers. And before we go any further, I know that was supposed to be Bob’s Burgers the Musical, but I spent as many as five minutes looking for a copy that has fallen off a truck, and couldn’t find it. I know Hulu has it, but I already blew my free trial over there while writing the Rick & Morty categories. So it’s going to be just a general Bob’s Burger round. Apologies, you jerks.

Finally, this week in trivia gets underway way tonight. You can join Celebrity Guest Host Andy Berg and Lewis, who wasn’t the first person to lick a 9-volt battery, but the first to get a friend to do it in front of him. They’ll be asking questions and doling out prizes at the Up & Under, but you need to be there to get in on the fun. The show starts at 7pm. See you then.

No mas, Señor Neal

Hella beer

Dear Milwaukee Players at Tracks,
I had no power for most of the day yesterday, and therefore wrote no trivia entry. Certainly, I could have gone to a coffee shop and worked, but instead I read a great article about the founders of Opening Ceremony and Creative Directors at Kenzo who are influencing the fashion world right now. It’s a great article and you can find it in the March 20 issue of the New Yorker. Highly recommended. I also played with my dogs. Anyway, you’ll get your recap soon enough. For now, we’re talking about Madison.

Let’s pretend for a moment Neal of Fortune doesn’t have this league wrapped up. Let’s imagine a world where anyone could still win. In that world I would have wagged a finger and shaken a fist at the big shot maneuver they pulled last night.

Maybe because it was Stephen’s (The man who put the Neal in Neal of Fortune) last night, but these fools stacked nine people on their team. NINE. Like that’s nbd. Then, as an extra shot of braggadocio Caitlyn (who does like 90% of the images here) did that math and tossed in a “Hella” to remind us all she’s from the bay area. She knows about BART. She once got jumped in Vallejo and lost her Jordans. Her eighth grade dissertation was an exploration into the shuttering of big box stores and how the increased access to large unmonitored parking lots contributed to the spread of the hyphy movement. We get it, Caitlyn. Jeez. Anyway they got docked 45 points and ended the night with 13.

Ahead of them was Ass Pickle, the Glass Nickel house team. They ended up with 45. That is not bad considering they scored zero points in rounds four, five and six. Eternal Spoonshine on the Bardless Mind put up 50 points which was enough for third place. Clever Girl stacked up the team and pushed into second place with 59 points. And taking home the win last night, and thus tightening up the league rankings, it was Moony, Wormtail Padfoot and Prongs.

And with that, this week’s trivia shows are done. We’re back in action next week. Get ready.

Ghost Horse: Way of the Samaurai


You all remember how I was talking about that chaos that is the league at the Up & Under? Well, strap yourselves in MFers because it got even chaoticier.

Stockroom Bitch aka the Putin Pops scored 30 points last night, proving that some people just aren’t ready for the sales floor. They were even topped by Bowser-Domino, who might be a totally new team, but I don’t know. Third place went to Moonbats and their 60 points. Now I don’t want to say they lost it all, I suspect a lot of Moonbats’ conversations now begin with, “Remember when we had the league lead?” 3 Guys on A Fact Hunt put up 63 and vowed to keep climbing up that league ladder. These MFers seem like the real deal, but then again they took a serious beating last night.

Imagine it, 3 Guys on a Fact Hunt, all dressed in their Fact Hunt gear, fact hunting away when a Whispering Goat Whore shows up. To be clear this is just one Goat Whore, because the rest of the team opted to not show up. But this Whispering Goat Whore, now playing as a Ghost Horse aced a double and single-handedly crushed all the competition with 68 points. One person, 68 points, Fact Hunt that MFers!

And now we roll on to Tracks, to see if Nick can pack as much excitement into his show. I don’t have an updated set of league scores for this show, but I assume Beerology has taken the lead by an almost unsurpassable amount. Or maybe it’s Wilson sans Wilson. Who knows? But what I do know is it’s time to get your teams together and be ready, because Nick is starting that show at 7pm and you need to be there.    

Stacking Quezzies


original-13320-1393002821-8-e1415313246890Oh man, if only you could see the trivia that was written this this weekend. Is there an upcoming round about fermented foods? Yes. maybe a category about two of the most notable bands to come from the Boston music scene of the 1990-2000s? Certainly. And maybe an entire category about contranyms? Dog, you know we wrote two of those.

We also kicked the Wide World of Arena Football down the road for another month.

But none of that should matter right now. What you should be focusing on is tonight’s bout at the Up & Under. Judging by the league scores it’s going to be a fight to the death over there. Sure we’ve got a few teams wandering out there in the wilderness with one or two points. But the real players, the real teams, they’re all in contention. The Putin Pops have ridden a mighty bear to 9 league points, and are certainly within striking distance of Who Pooped in the Pool and their 13 points.

And then up top. Oh man. You’ve got Moonbats and the Whispering Goat Whores with 35 and 33 points, respectively. If that’s not enough for you, 3 Guys on a Fact Hunt is perched at 29, and they’ve only been there for about 2 weeks. The series is intense to say the least.

But before anyone claims the top spot, they need to make it through tonight, and some very questionable questions regarding snakes and deserts and the wonderful world of Hayao Miyazaki. And who knows, there may be a completely unknown-to-us team that shows up and crushes the whole scene down there. That would be rad.

At the helm it will be, Celebrity Guest Host Andy Berg and Lewis, the man who claims his personal slogan is “masturbate harder not smarter”, which has always creeped me out. I mean, that’s a lot to get tattooed on your back, top to bottom, in an Old English font. But whatever. The show starts at 7pm. See you there.

Number Eight Seed, But Number One in Our Hearts

The more you know badger

The good news is, the brutality that was trivia this week is done. The bad news is, it never gets any easier. And that’s not to say all the teams didn’t didn’t lay it on the line this week. Sure no one did well, and Madison had some particularly poor scores, and I think this is what homeschooled kids call “a teachable moment”. I have no idea what was learned, but it sounds better than, “Eff this whole mess”.

Let’s recount the massacre. Bitch Planet walked in, tossed up 27 points and opted out of round 10. But they didn’t leave. No no, Bailey just tossed the corpse directly onto the flames rather than squirm in the heat. Wormtail, et al brought in Emily’s fancy hair and a couple other ringers but still only scored 33 points. That’s cool, I think most of them were there to celebrate Theresa’s birthday. Clever Girl put up 50 points and was not thrilled with any of it. Go! Nevada! GO! aka Kitty Kitty Meow Meow aka Now That’s What I Call Trivia vol 1 and 2 used an interesting method of rotating in players and putting some people on the bench when they weren’t performing. They ended up losing more points than they gained from that tactic and walked out with 52 points.

Then it all came down to drink tickets. I mean, if we went on points alone The Bard Who Spooned Too Much would have been able to ride their 74 points to victory. Sadly, there are drink tickets that turn into points. Neal of Fortune knows that. They used 21 tickets last night, pushing their team ahead of the Bards one last time before Player Jake makes his way to New York. They ended up with 87 points. But it was the #1 Cat in America, who played 16 tickets and boosted their score to 88 points for the win. Or, as the Bards see it, a subsidized victory.

That is going to do it for this week, now all you MFers can get your green beer or your 16 shamrock shakes or whatever and watch some sports. We’ll kick off this whole show again next week.

And The Madness Begins



How is one person supposed to recap 2 trivia shows and watch 800 basketball games and find time to do the work that gives them a paycheck? I don’t know. Life is tough as hell.

Anyway, that massive basketball tournament starts today. If you’re anything like me, you’ve opted to go with the write-in option for the final four. If all goes well by the end of the day it will be just The Fordham Ram, The Kenyon Lords, Carthage Torchie and Gunrock the Mustang from UC-Davis in the final four. I have yet to ever win one of these bracket things.

You know who did win something recently? 3 Guys on a Fact Hunt. That’s right, they put up 85 points and walked out with a first place showing at the Up & Under on Tuesday night. That was just enough to top Moonbats, who ended with 83 and the Whispering Goat Whores who scored 69. Who Pooped in the Pool had a strong showing, or at least what is considered a strong showing for them, and ended the night with 64 points. Loose Shits AKA the Putin Pops were able to keep it together long enough to score 36, and Albus and Scorpius: The Cursed Couple  walked out after pulling down 14 points.

Over at Tracks last night, with Celebrity Guest Host Andy Berg hosting double this week, things got a little personal. FU Berg scored 34 points, which makes it necessary to suggest if you’re going to be the team talking that much shit, try not to finish in last place. Certainly don’t let a team like The Big P, who walked out after round 6 and still scored 39 points, beat you. There was also a team named Amanda Fucking Sucks for Leaving at 8 O’clock, but judging by their 51-point finish, Amanda wasn’t the only part of the team that fucking sucks. And Alternative Tracks showed up, putting a 63 on the board like NBD.

Closing out the night at 60 points it was Beerology, and they were bested by drink tickets. The Tunnel Snakes dropped 8 to end up at 63 points and Gilmore Girls Gone Wild got lifted to 64. That was enough for third place. Then, taking what I believe is their first podium spot, it was the Demogoregon Trail who used 11 points worth of drink tickets to end up at 76. And also using 11 bonus points, to make their win even more overwhelming, it was Tits & Giggles and their 106 points.

And now we take the show to Madison where the game gets played in the basement of Glass Nickel Pizza on Atwood. You will find food and drinks and good times and hard trivia all in one place. All you have to do is be there at 7pm.  

The Ides of March


The Ides of March are upon us. And that means Nick’s birthday is as well. But that’s not what we’re here to talk about.

Actually, let’s discuss the ides for a moment. What was a better portrayal in film? Was it Ryan Gosling and George Clooney in the 2011 film The Ides of March, or was it the scene in The Hebrew Hammer when the reindeer take down Santa Claus. And in you see the silhouette of Ol’ Father Chrimbo take a knife from a reindeer before muttering “et tu Rudolph”? Personally, I think that Gosling/Clooney bit a little on the nose.

Anyway, you know what’s never on the nose? Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia. Regardless if it’s the ides or the opposite of the ides, this shit is scattershot and barely keeping itself together. Just this week, for example, there is a category that is basically The Internal Combustion Engine. WTF do we know about internal combustion engines? Apart from the fact that several times in the last 100 years people have developed alternatives that run on water, only to die mysterious deaths before they could apply for their patents. And with each death, there is reason to believe Texaco Exxon, CEO of Big Oil, is connected to it.

Imagine bringing your car in for service and you’re told your mechanics will be me, Nick and Lewis. You are fucked. 1. That car is never coming back. 2. If, somehow, it does get fixed, the navigation will have been wiped and relaunched just running a Squarespace site with a travel blog theme, probably called “Wanderlust” or “Global Gypsy*”. And the trunk will be full of comic books, with a few Murakami and Philip Roth novels tossed in for better traction in the snow. That is how much we know about the internal combustion engine.
Apart from that, we also have a category on Penny Dreadful and liquor bottles. All in all it’s going to be a great night. So, if you want to get in on this, you need to be at the Up & Under on Brady Street tonight. Celebrity Guest Host Andy Berg and Lewis, the man who wrote his entire Ante Bellum American Studies dissertation on the impact The 2004 Ashton Kutcher film Butterfly Effect will have on the possibility of humans ever building Futuristic City by 2688, and still received his degree, will be running the show. As always, there will be drinks and laughs and probably some very confused players. Nonetheless, trivia continues moving forward and tonight’s show starts at 7pm.


*Gypsy is a racist term.

The Catch Up

Your Dick Leslie Mann

Right now you’re probably thinking, “Trivia post on a Monday. WTF?”

Well believe it or not, I occasionally I have to earn a few loonies flexing my power of persuasion and marketing genius. Friday was just one of those days. So here I am now.

Okay, the catch up. Thursday night at Glass Nickel was pushing mega proportions. And then SUM (B:2, F:10) showed up. And as Hannah has told me an obnoxious number of times before, every trivia is different, but they all end the same way. And that ending features her team leaving with the top prize.

But let’s talk about every other team first. Clever Girl went from first to worst in an uncommon showing that netted them a mere 39 points. They were bested by T.W.A.T. who used 5 drinks (which I assume they found on the floor, or took from another team) to end up with 41. They weren’t the only team using tickets that night. Come Back Inn Trivia Tuesdays at 8:30/Dagna, Is The MACS Quant Fixed? Used 6 drink tickets to not move up in the ranks at all and end the night with 55.

Jumping up to 71 points, it was an uncommonly low finish for Neal of Fortune who seemed shook. Ahead of them it was Spoony Encounters of the Bard Kind who put up 80 points and tied with Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs (featuring: Eli, Tamvana and Anjeli). Then, in third place, playing without Erik, the Wyoming Wonder, it was the Mary Tyler No Mores who scored 84 points. Using drink tickets for a 10 point boost and move into second place it was Gato Diablo, aka #1 Cat in America with 85 points. And as I mentioned earlier, with the win on the evening it was Hannah and her meandering band of trivia warriors.

With nine teams it was on the cusp of being a huge show, and I think some people might even say it was on the cusp of being fun. If it’s the kind of action you think you might want to get into, we’ll do it again next week. Thursday night in the basement of Glass Nickel Pizza on Atwood.

Madison’s Time to Shine

Face in profile

We’re running through this one super quick so brace yourselves.

Last night at The Tracks, Nursing Schooled showed up again and scored 16 points which should be a low enough score for them to change their name to Nursing Schooled Schooled by Trivia. Ahead of them, it was Beerology who put Larry Bird on the scoreboard with 33 points. Just in time for St. Patrick’s Day. Wilson Sans Wilson put up 37. Calamity Crew: Duo of Dames came out sounding like a Sin City sequel, and performed as well as one. Straight to Netflix with your 43 points. Then, The Demi Moore-gon earned 58 points, but it was just not enough to crack the top 3.

In third place it was Tunnel Snakes. Some people would consider their 70 points lingering. I like to think of it as creeping. Gilmore Girls Gone Wild played 5 points worth of drink tickets and pushed their score up to 91, but they were no match for Tit & Giggles who played drink tickets of their own and shut down the whole fucking scene with 97 points.

Finally, it’s Madison’s chance to show all you MFers how it’s done. I’m sure the average score is going to be somewhere around 130 points and players at all the other locations will be super embarrassed–probably won’t ever come back. But those are the breaks.
If you want to get involved in the super high performance Madison show, I recommend you be at Glass Nickel Pizza on Atwood. The show starts at 7pm and the regret is usually gone shortly after that.  See you there.

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