Up & Under Late Winter League Begins at the Commencement of the Next Measure

Let’s consider the Up & Under players for a moment, shall we?

Certainly, they read the category run down from yesterday. They got the memo on the Keri Russell category. They were pleased to hear about the Strongman Contest questions. And those Constellations…oh mama. These Up & Under players are some real freak nasties when it comes to constellations. In fact, I won’t be surprised to learn that at least one person will mutter, “Celestial body indeed” at tonight’s show.

But now, let’s add to that info the knowledge that the Up & Under Late Winter League is firing up tonight. I believe the correct sound effects would be a wolf whistle, a train laying down a loooooooong horn blow before entering a tunnel, the nokia ringtone, and then Pam Poovey saying, “Sploosh”.

I mean these Up & Under players, these fools are horny on Main, Brady and at each and every light rail stop in the city.

So assuming the teams can keep it together,and Up & Under doesn’t get shut down for being too horned up, league play is going to start for Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia. Lewis, a man whose bumper sticker reads “Keep the Len in Valentine’s” with a picture of Leonard Nimoy, will be at the helm. The show starts at 7pm. See you then.

 

Peak 2019

 

Trivia players, take a look at the work we’ve done. Gaze upon these week seven questions with wonder and awe. Celebrate the 50 inquiries, for each has been written and tonight’s show is ready to go. This is certainly the earliest we’ve had a show completed this year, and maybe ever. So scoop up Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia and dump it all over yourselves. Soak it the power.

Milwaukee players will get the first taste of this week’s trivia tonight at Company Brewing in Riverwest. I just checked the tap list over there and I cannot recommend the Blue Dress Park enough. For real, we’re facing down another blast of winter’s fury and you’re talking about drinking super-hopped IPAs? C’mon, act like an adult. Get yourself a mild porter.

Anyway, Nick is set to deliver the goods tonight. He’s got categories on Constellations, Strong Man Competitions and Keri Russell.

Those sound like three killer categories to me, and here’s what’s really great…he’s got seven more. I don’t want to call tonight’s show insane-o, but if the back end work of this week’s show is any indicator, we’re looking at an unsustainable level of creativity and organization sure to emit a million billion lumens for one to two weeks at best before fading back to something more like a menorah on the fourth or fifth night. What I’m getting at is that you don’t want to miss it. The Company Brewing show starts tonight at 7pm. See you there.

Tuesdays are for Time Travel

I imagine you Up & Under players are all geared up for tonight’s show. Y’all are thinking, “We’ve had more than 24 hours to study. We’re going to crush it.”

But news flash, players. You’re getting a time travelling show. Lewis, a man who claims to be the legitimate interim vice president of Venezuela but has yet to see any domestic or international support, is breaking out the show from last week.

That means you’re going to want to do a bit of research on Billiards, Chinese Dynasties and the North Shore of Minnesota.

Then, you’re going to want to get to Up & Under by 7pm tonight. See you then.

That John Denver is Full of Shit, Man

Players, time is limited today so we’re going to get right into it. The CoBrew show is a GO! tonight. Nick is bringing the heat in the form of 50 top-notch trivia questions. He’s got a categories on the film WALL-E, Great State Seals of Great States and then the Grand Canyon.

I assume you read those and said, “Damn, those are some bangers. I gotta play this trivia.”

If so, you need to get yourself to Company Brewing in Riverwest tonight. They’ve got your food and drink wants and needs covered, and Nick IS the entertainment. All you have to do is be there by 7pm. See you then.

Consider Your Motivation For Getting Out Tonight

Before you start complaining about the cold, or how you’re wearing 12 layers and you’re considering skipping trivia tonight, I want you to think about the earliest settlers of Wisconsin, and specifically Madison.

Think about how they didn’t have their Nest thermostats turned up to 76. Or a neighbor kid who shoveled their sidewalks. They didn’t have technical fabrics and 800 down fill. They didn’t have heated smart slippers that stay perfectly regulated at 88 degrees via an app that I control through convoluted Siri and IfTTT Rube Goldberg system.

No no, they had letterman’s jackets and dumb ear muffs with plastic framing that never really got warm. These early people, they didn’t have heated steering wheels or seats. It’s a life I can’t imagine many of us surviving.

But, every Thursday they slipped on their boots, lit a cigarette (probably indoors because these pioneer folk understood the difficulty of lighting a dart in the winter wind and didn’t understand the difficulty of kicking a habit that would almost certainly lead to a lifetime a health problems. Plus, you know these fools weren’t running vape rigs back then), and strolled to a local pizza place for what was then called Taychopera’s Hardest Trivia, or Ouisconsin’s Hardest Trivia. They struggled, but it was the good struggle.

Now that you know a little more of the history of this land, are you really going to look back the generations of those who weathered harsher winters with less and say, “It’s cool, I’m going to stay in and write some more Masked Singer slash fic, because you know the Unicorn and Peacock fuck like truck drivers.”

No, you’re not going to do that. Mostly because no one ever says “…fuck like truck drivers”. But more importantly, you’re going to get out of the house. Sure it’s going to be a little cold, but once you get yourself to the Glass Nickel, you’re going to find Jake keeping you toasty with drinks, the kitchen will be firing off hot pies all night, and I’ll be asking all sorts of dumb questions that are sure to get you angry-warm. All you have to do is be there by 7pm.

See you then.

 

A Northern Expedition

Once again we southern Wisconsonians are digging out our driveways and sidewalks and cars or Bird scooters just so we can make it through the day and get ready for another raucous week of trivia.

To figure out how people live like this I traveled to Northern Minnesota. Was it an expansion expedition? Maybe, if those cats at Pizza Lucé Duluth ever want to dump that bum trivia squad they have now and get on board with a real show.

Or was the purpose of the trip was to check the progress on Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Global Headquarters II and Great Lakes Grey Market Fishery on the banks of the Onion River, 500 feet from where it dumps into Gitche Gummee?

Only time will tell.

I can tell you that Sunday morning I was awoken to the sound of a strange voice in the place we were staying. I then heard some of my fellow northerly adventurers, talking about how the heater had died overnight and the main floor was only 42 degrees. I grabbed my phone, checked the local temp and learned it was a cool -26F outside. I stayed in my bed under the covers.

Then the strange voice returned, not to fix the furnace, but to drop off space heaters. You know, the perfect solution. He suggested putting one in the loft, but a co-adventurist says “I’m pretty sure they’re fine. It’s toasty up there”

To which the space-heater-bringer says “They won’t be for long, up there, they’re closer to the sky.”

This is a man who, I assume was not new to the land, had seemingly no idea how hot and cold air work together. He also seemed to think of the sky as a fixed point rather than a concept. Anyway, I laughed from my warm bed and yelled, “We are cloud people. We are of the sky.”

But -26 is super cold and it took 10 hours for my toes to warm up.

What I’m getting at is that Northern Minnesota is really cold right now. And Milwaukee and Madison will be soon enough. We’re hanging out to see how this impacts trivia shows,, but you can believe it when I tell you it’s a top to bottom thriller this week. We’re going to discuss the world of Billiards, Various Chinese Dynasties and Duluth and the North Shore of Minnesota.   

We are currently planning on putting the Company Brewing players on blast tonight. Nick’s got nearly all of the required 50 questions and by the time 7pm rolls around he’s going to be dropping knowledge. All you need to do is show up and soak in the good times. See you tonight.

 

Freezin’ All Week

Word on the street is the entire city of Milwaukee is in a deep freeze. Not to be confused with the city’s typical status of “very chill’. Some people might even consider Milwaukee a no drama mama.

But don’t fret, as things are about to thaw tonight.

“Thaw” might be an understatement. Don’t be surprised if you drive by Company Brewing tonight and the windows are fogged over like those of a sedan from a 1980s movie set in the 1950s in which a time travelling, skateboarding werewolf almost has sex with his own mother. A classic family film. Yeah, dude, it’s about to get hot.

 

I guess what I’m getting at here is Nick is nearly locked and loaded with 50 questions that should at least warm your soul with anger and frustration. He’s going to be talking about things like the cats of instagram, food movies and the 2019 Dakar Rally Recap. I don’t want to prejudge the people playing trivia but I suspect those cats of instagram scores will be significantly better than the Dakar Rally scores.

Regardless of your areas of expertise or ignorance, you’re going to want to be at Company Brewing tonight. The show starts at 7pm. See you there.

Let The Winter League Begin

Madison, I hope all you players are relaxing today. These last few hours before the Winter League begins are not about learning more, it’s about getting your mind right. This is the classic dichotomy of the trivia mind, you want to be sharp, but not too sharp. That’s why some players are here, at Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Global Headquarters, Rap Emporium and Curated Content Chopshop, attending out first ever Winter League Prep Course today.

Obviously, it’s too late to sign up for this session, but we’ll be running these all-day courses before the start of each league from here on out. For an exorbanate fee you’ll be given insight into the coming league and some tips for relaxing so hard. Imagine you’ve just shelled out, maybe like $350 (that’s a fair fee, right). I wave you into the office, but don’t really acknowledge you, I just direct you over to a line up of six folding chairs, and half-heartedly mention, “I think maybe one or two of those is or are broken.”

You’re welcome to help yourself to some coffee, but not the good coffee, the store brand roast. We’re not sure if it’s light or a dark roast, but looking into the bag it does seem that most of the beans have been heated. Anyway, no one will actually tell you about the coffee.

Then, you’ll get to listen to me argue with myself about the use Jewishness as a filter through which to watch the second season of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, but also how the exaggerated expression of the culture robs an already unstable sophomoric effort of any terra firma, at best slowing the voyage through the series and at worst becoming a quicksand of questions that engulfs viewers in thoughts of “Is this a jewish joke?” “I am only uncomfortable with this because I am part of the goyim? Is it goy or goyim? Goyim on first occurrence and goy on subsequent?” Am I even allowed to say that? Shit, am I an anti-semite?”

Eventually, one of the interns will bring in a framed poster of Alex Trebek. Nick will stand behind it and answer questions through a crudely cut hole where Trebek’s canadian mouth was. In the end you’ll walk away thinking, “Tony Shalouber alles. Is that going to be a Bamboo Harvester.”

Anyway, sign-up for the next session starts soon.

Until then, get yourselves to Glass Nickel Pizza tonight. There will food and drinks and heavy league action. The show starts at 7pm and we’ll be in the basement. See you there.

 

Thanks to Caitlin S. for today’s image.

 

Boosted!

 

To anyone keeping score, I suggest you mark down week three as the first time we had a full trivia squad again. We’ve got Up & Under firing tonight. We’ve got Madison kicking off a winter league on Thursday. This must be like how the Golden State Warriors are going to feel when Demarcus Cousins rejoins the line-up this week. There may finally be a reason for Warriors fans to wake from their naps. Just kidding, the Warriors we will still be boring.

I should also note that I blew it by not getting a post up for the Company Brewing crowd. I know it’s a not a good excuse, but I was out, creeping through your Brew City streets looking for late-1990s Honda Accord Wagons to steal. It truly was one of the finest estate wagons brought to the US market. The good news is I found one. The bad news is Tunnelsnake Kate had her late-1990s Honda Accord Wagon Grand Theft Auto-ed and that sucks. The thieves also took her camping chair.

Of course, things could be worse. Kate could be a member of A Hot Messopotamia, who could only scratch together 34 points last night. The Best Joose Drain Joose Down New Year New Me Ever Put up 47 points and Ina Garten Da Vida scored 50. Hipsterectomy put up 64, but rightfully got topped by Gentrifiers of Catan with 66. At 77 points it was a tie between Das Tunnelsnakes and A Couple Muggles, Two Squibs and A Hippogriff. Scrambled Eggs nabbed second place with 79 points and Alive Girl took home the win with 85.

Tonight we roll down the street to the Up & Under on Brady Street. We’ll be covering Triumphant Returns, Celebrity Chefs and Harry Potter deep cuts. Lewis and Andy will be at the helm and the show starts at 7pm. See you there.

 

Post Pandemic Post

Greetings Trivia Players!

And welcome to the first, all-2019 show. That’s right. We’re not going to be dealing with any more residual 2018 questions. No more time-sensitive facts that are no long relevant or even factual.

No no, all the old questions are gone. And to be sure everything is fresh, we’ve had a cut-rate haz-mat team here at the Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Global Headquarters and Rap Emporium. They were actually cleaning up after a long and painful series of outbreaks of various sicknesses here at the offices.

One person told me that I would not be so good on the Oregon Trail. I explained to them while this may be cholera, that sweet, sweet blue death, I am not the dysentery type. That said, there is no way I would have even made it out of Missouri. It actually got so bad I took to opening most correspondence with “It’s yer boi, Typhoid Greggy”. This proved to be the second worst thing I’ve said during a hiring process.

The worst being the time a potential employer asked what my biggest weakness was and I said “I think my biggest weakness is that I have explosive try-arrhea”. I then went on to explain the wordplay.

Anyway, trivia is hitting hard tonight. This is your last week of practice before the winter league starts in Madison. We’re coming at you with categories like Nancy Drew, Muscles and Fitness, and all things Rush. If you think this is your night to shine, or you’re looking for one more night of practice, you need to get yourself to Glass Nickel Pizza on Atwood. We’ll be in the basement and the show starts at 7pm. See you then.

 

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