Let the Leagues Begin!

Sometimes I get it all wrong. I’m not afraid to admit it. Just look at last week. I counted Neal of Fortune out long before the match even started. I said Laura Dern and the High-waisted Necklines stood zero chance without Hannah. And I claimed it was going to be Good Enough’s week.

Then Good Enough comes in and stacks up a team with 8 players. It’s like they have no respect for points. C’mon Good Enough, get your piping in order. Then NOF and Dern took the first and second spots. It’s like you’re trying to make me look bad.

The good news is all of the ends, and it ends tonight. We’re kicking off the late-winter league, which means points are cumulative from now until the end of March. It also means the ticketing system for drinks is back in action, which I’m sure will please the creepers on Tickles For Nickels.

To kick off the league we’ve got some solid round coming out. You wanna talk about Ursula K. Le Guin? We can do that tonight. Or maybe you want to flex your knowledge on Superbowl ads of yore? Well, I know just to place to do that. Or maybe Nordic Cuisine is your thing? If so, I suggest being at Glass Nickel Pizza on Atwood tonight. We’ll cover all of this and more, all you have to do is show up.

The questions start at 7pm in the basement. See you there.

Blind on Blind

A lot of heat coming in over the last two days because someone wasn’t putting up trivia posts. Like we don’t have lives to live and jobs to do. Like we ain’t got merger and acquisitions to merge and acquizish. That’s something you do with job, right?  

Still, the players were heated. Tunnelsnake Leslie threw a rock through my window with a note that read, “WTFuck MFer? No Clues? You can’t give out the three clues for the week? I’ll burn your goddamned house down. How’s that for a clue? Asshole. xoxo, Tunnelsnake Leslie”

Lesson learned.

Nonetheless, Tunnelsnakes still took second place at Company Brewing. Giving up the top spot to Nick-Elback, but topping Tupper Tea(Totaler), Irish Soul, Ursula K. le Guinter is Coming, What About Bob Loblaw’s Law Blog, and Leg Day. And the Tuesday night crowd survived as well, with Shiva Kamini besting Trivia Newton John, Who Pooped in the Pool, and Whispering Goat Whores.

Now we move on to Tracks Tavern for another round of Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Classics. The teams here show up, week after week, with no clues. Even if I tossed clues to them they would probably gouge their eyes out like the back room of the Tracks just reappeared after seven lost years and is now in orbit around Neptune.

So if you’re thinking you looking for a second serving of Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia, or even if this is your first of the week, you’ll want to join Celebrity Guest Host Andy Berg in the backroom of Tracks Tavern tonight.

The show starts at 7pm. See you then.  

Week 4 at the GNP

And now it’s Madison’s turn to face the wrath of Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia week four.

I can tell you this about tonight’s showdown, Good Enough is on the prowl. Like the recently declared extinct eastern cougar used to be, which some of you might know as a catamount, or the ghost cat (not to be confused with Ghost Dog: Way of the Samurai starring Jet Li and Forest Whitaker), used to be. The occasionally overloaded team is ready to take a win, and tonight might be the night to do it.

To better understand why, let’s look at the other teams. Laura Dern and Her High-Waisted Pants and High Necked Dresses could go either way. They might run the table with you fools, or they might scratch out by round three. Neal of Fortune will be playing with a handicap as Alex and Gabe are off somewhere watching some musician make music from an era after chamber music, but before music was good. This is as close to a handicap as this team ever really gets, so consider that when placing bets.

Tickles for Nickels is not to be counted out, especially if they run in with the Tickles for Nickels expansion pack. Clever Girl as been dipping in and out of podium spots for a few weeks and is due for a top notch finish. And what of the teams that pop in and out, the Guess Harders, Fish Ladies, The Radioactive Tigers, Lady Posse or Hello Clitty –any one of them could show up to take it.

Of course, there is always Spoony Bards. You can liken this team to diabetes or carbon monoxide or a ninja, but what you need to know is they are the silent killers.

So, can Good Enough make tonight their night? We’ll find out soon enough. If you want to see it in person, or foil their attempt. I suggest you join me, Jake and Simon in the basement of the Glass Nickel tonight.

The show starts at 7pm. See you there.


Do you know the great thing about running the Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Classics shows at Tracks on Wednesday? I mean sure, it could be the people there. Or maybe it’s those cheese curds. Or maybe it’s just the chance to look back at answers that were given, and even sometimes at the questions that were asked. This kind of reflection is huge right now, I just listened to a 30-minute NYTimes piece about how we as a nation fucked up with Tonya Harding. But I’m not letting them put this one on me. I mean look at me, look at my own history , of course I was going to side with the young woman from New England. I also this reflection is probably much easier for some people right now than looking the present dead in eyes.

But before we reflect too far back, let’s cover last night at the Up & Under. Who Pooped in the Pool squeezed out 51 points into the chlorinated water of the Trivia Grotto. Wet Whispering Dream Goat seems to be transforming into some new team, and I have to admit I like the direction they’re headed. They scored 75 points. Shiva Kamini pushed up 89 points but got topped by Trivia Newton John who nabbed 90 on the night.

Which brings us to tonight’s show. Celebrity Guest Host Andy Berg is going to be in the Tracks’ backroom, firing off questions from the days of yore. Are some of them going to be out of date? Perhaps. Are some of them problematic? Yes. Are more of them going to be wonderfully entertaining? You know it. I can’t tell how well a trivia show ages, I would suspect better than Seinfeld but not as well as. But the only way to know for certain is to be there tonight.

The show starts at 7pm. See you then.

Week 4 Keeps Burning

Comin’ in hot off yesterday’s post up which, like bitcoin, attracted weirdos from all corners of the internet. But that’s alright by me as it also brought a few new players to the Company Brewing show last night. And those scores…oooo those scores.

Killer showed up last night, put up a good fight but then got docked for an extra player and ended with 43 points. That saved Mycellia Burns and their 49 points the embarrassment of a last place finish. And it saved Nick from having to handle two tiebreakers as Rooster Cogburn closed out the night with a natural 58.

Back of the Fridge Cheese and their nasty name put up a solid 75, but got beat out by Stormy Daniel Tiger, with their even nastier name and 82 points. What About Bob Loblaw’s Law Blog put 86 on the board but that still wasn’t enough for a podium spot.

Sitting at 103 points it was Tunnelsnakes and Once Brilliant Wankers Previously Known as Detectives. To break the tie Nick brought out a yoga pose physical challenge. And surprise! Kate won. What’s funny about that is Kate isn’t even a natural Tunnelsnake. Imagine Kate’s team was the Titanic. They broke up and sank and Kate was just out there in the ocean floating on a door with the bloated, rotting body of her lover and the putrid smell of death when the Tunnelsnakes as the RMS Carpathia happened by and picked her up. But this was a good grab, because there seems to be nothing she cannot do? Build houses for low income communities all over the world? She’s done it. Knit a hat for my daughter’s giant head? She’s done it. Maintain tree pose longer than Chris? Shit, dogs, she did that last night. NBD. Whatever, Chris won solo last week so he could use a little humbling.

And burying the lead, it was Nickturnal Emissions nabbing the top spot with 116 points.

Tonight we’re floating down the river to the Up & Under on Brady Street. Lewis, the man who once brought a false advertising claim against Buffalo Wild Wings because every one of the birds slaughtered for those wings was 100% cage raised, and as he says “who watches the watchers who are watching the Wild Wings and Weck Watchmen”, will be at the helm. He’ll be setting up 50 questions for teams to knock down, all you have to do is be there. The show starts at 7pm.

A Brief and Inaccurate History of Bitcoin

Eight years ago, when Nick and I started this little Trivia endeavor, there was this dude named Joe who would occasionally play. Solid player. One night after the show he strolls up and asks, “What do you two MFers know about b-b-b-b-itcoin?”

Originally, I thought Joe spoke like that because he a wild stammer, but it turns out that he was just from the future.  

I admitted I knew next to nothing about cryptocurrency, or currency in general. Nick had a more in-depth understanding, but wasn’t on Joe’s level. Joe’s telling us he’s got something like 14 rigs in his basement mining bitcoins and at this point I tuned out because this was starting to sound a lot like Farmville.

Then last summer I run into Bitcoin Joe and his girlfriend Plants Sarah. I know Sarah knows plants so I start firing questions at her. “Hey I’m trying to grow some weed in my neighbor’s yard. I think I grow it in her garden without her knowing. What strains should I be planting?”

She says, “Well, outdoors in a climate like Madison you could grow some trash weed to sell to high schoolers and maybe middle school kids. But if you could put up a hotbox, there is no reason you couldn’t try Acapulco Gold or some Chernobyl. I’m sure we could find you the proper landrace strain for your neighbor’s garden.”

Then Bitcoin Joe gets in on the conversation. Talmbout how he doesn’t even try growing weed anymore and he just buys it all with Bitcoin. Clearly he stuck with that Farmville bullshit. He then proceeds to tell me everything else he’s purchased with bitcoin:

  • 3 Shawn Kemp rookie cards
  • Like 2 pizzas a week from Pizza Shuttle
  • A Big Mouth Billy Bass that only plays The Downeaster Alexa
  • This Unication Alpha Elite Flex Pager right here
  • A bunch of preloaded DMT vape pens
  • 2 Falsified Canadian Passports
  • A 12 x 12 Faraday Cage for the basement
  • Once Upon a Time in Shaolin
  • A 3% share in a company that produces and sells glow-in-the-dark dog collars
  • Little strips of acid used to whiten your teeth or slowly burn off your fingerprints
  • A Unimog U4000, you know the 6-wheeled one

Bitcoin Joe obviously knows how to party. And Nick and I totally missed the boat on that. To make up for it we’ve written an entire trivia category about Bitcoin for this week. But that’s not all! We’ll also be talking about famous tigers and the Great State of Utah.

And of course Nick will be kicking off the week with the Milwaukee show at Company Brewing. There is really no better way to spend a Monday night in Riverwest than grabbing a bite to eat, drinking a few of those delicious CoBrew beers, and listen to the dulcet tones of Nick asking questions.

Now that you know what to expect, I suggest you get your team together and get to Company Brewing tonight at 7pm. See you there.

Century Eggs

It’s good to know the Madison crowd is catching on the open bribery that keeps Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia moving. Last night Tickles for Nickels, a team that in the past has brought me Chilean candy, a Lake Tahoe bottle opener and countless other gifts, brought me a century egg.

I should note, in the past T4N has brought really cool gifts, and in the past they’ve seen a few wins. Are these events connected? I can’t confirm or deny. But those wins were before they brought in a century egg. Here’s what’s crazy about the century egg, someone took the egg, a pretty gross thing from the jump, then thought, let’s fuck this bad boy up.

We’ll take your gross, everyday eggs and bury in delicious things like sulfur and clay until it turns that mouth-watering color of soooo black. I mean think of all the wonderful black foods that exist. Burned hot dogs, rotten spinach, that frozen pizza you put in the oven one night after some drinks but then you fell asleep watching The Fast & The Furious 8: The Fate of The Furious only to wake up late for class the next day and not remember your culinary aspirations until like 3pm. Also, they put some added stink on it.   

Players, a bribe like this is going to get you nowhere. Therefore Tickles found themselves hanging out aimlessly in the center of the pack with 48 points. Sure they topped Sam, who played like 4 rounds and earned 12 points for herself and Fish Ladies who had to duck out early with 16 points. Laura Dern and The High Necked Dresses went from first to nearly worst  and closed out their night with 29 points. Guess Harder put up 44 points and Clever Girl had 48 on the night.

Radioactive Tigers tossed up a solid 51 points, not bad for a team made of mostly new people and two under 18-year-olds. Sorry about all the vulgarities. Good Enough was finally pleased with a Stargate category and grabbed third place with 73. But it was the SOB’s (Spoony O’Bards) who topped them with a soul crushing 74 points.

Clearly, Neal of Fortune won with their 98 points, but I’m not going to talk about that. What I will talk about is Caitlin and her Jeopardy experience. We’ve talked about this many times before, mostly because I am equal parts hyped for and envious of her. Just last week I called her creepy as hell. Then, last night she shows me her official pic with AT (Alex Trebek) and says, “Obviously, I added the hearts.” That is a 100% real deal quote. So maybe it’s way more cool than creepy.

Whatever, we’ll be back in action next week.

Setting it off

Alright Madison, in the words of the Queen Latifah, “Let’s set it off.”

That’s from the classic, 1996 film Set It Off. At one point Latifah, as the character Stoney, demands a bigger gun and says, “I ain’t trying to rob stagecoaches, I need something with which I can set it off. Like those trivia people in Madison.”

It was at that moment I set down my pencil and told my teachers I wouldn’t be listening to any more of their brainwashing. Real knowledge comes from the streets. From living life. I knew what I was to do. And here we are, 22 years later. Ready for trivia.  

It all comes full circle tonight, because while no one is trying to rob stagecoaches, there is an entire category on horse thieves. Of course, that is not take anything away from some of the other fine categories that we have tonight. I mean Sex and the City…lakes of North America…current events, wild card and WTF all full of nonsense. Bruh, I can’t wait to see who sets it off tonight.

If you think it’s bound to be your team, all you need to do get to Glass Nickel Pizza on Atwood and find us in the basement. The show starts at 7pm. See you there.

Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia…The Legend Continues

Stalwarts. That’s how I would classify the Up & Under teams. These MFers are hanging in there through the good and the bad. And frankly, for some of the teams it’s never really good.

Take Who Pooped in the Pool, for example. Not only are they not winning, due to archaic laws and something called Brady Street Street Justice (Clearly this is from a time before Bamboo Harvester of Sorrow, or they would have just called it Brady Street Justice, or BSJ) they are locked into domestic servitude under the oversight of Lewis, until their rank improves. Consider all the laundry that has been done, all the lawns mowed and all the sidewalks shoveled by just this one team. It seems bonkers that they keep coming back. Yet they do. And last night they once again signed up for a week of housework by only scoring 36 points.  

Ahead of them, winning some sort of prize, it was Shiva Kamini putting up 44 points. Wet Dreamcast cobbled together 53 points and Trivia Newton John nabbed the top spot with 66 points.

Tonight, we’re going to get down with the oldies, pumping a full 50 questions of classics at Tracks Tavern. If you haven’t been to a classics show, it’s highly recommended. Even if you played a the show when it was in first run, you can still come back and play again. Sure, you might remember one or two of the questions, but chances are you remember zero of the answers. So get a team together, and come hang out with Celebrity Guest Host Andy Berg. And because the show is at Tracks you know there is going to be great food, a solid beer selection and a relatively cool waitstaff.

The show starts at 7pm. See you there.

The Company Brewing Return

It’s good to see the crowd at Company Brewing welcomed Nick back with open arms and excellent, if unsurprising in convention, names.

We’re going to go over last night’s team scores like they were Drake, starting at the bottom. But in this case we’re talking about the teams that are really struggling, not some perceived bottom that comes from being raised in a wealthy Toronto suburb and having spent one’s youth starring as a wheelchair-assisted high schooler in a relatively successful teen drama. Tell me how it is on these streets,  Aubrey. You ever had the misfortune of crashing your bike after the front wheel got caught in the street car tracks, even though it was completely your fault because for your entire cycling life you’ve been told to cross the tracks perpendicular, but one day you got lazy. You slipped. You approached the tracks at angle, like a bear. Huh? Aubrey? What the fuck? You ever fallen on the ice when you had to move to the outer part of the sidewalk because all these weirdos from Australia come blasting out of Roots on Bloor, completely unaware of society out here on these streets? Take your ass back to Eaton Centre, Aubrey.

Anyway, Sober January Is Soooooo Long scored 37 points and Henley-am Neeson scored 45. Lake ChargoggagoggmanchauggauggagogchabunagungamUGG ™ Boots scored 46, and Las Serpientes de Túnel got docked 15 points because they don’t give a fuck about rules and put seven players on their team. They had 47 at the end.

Nickturnal Emissions (Potential best team name of 2018, right there) dropped 60 and earned third place. While What About Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah snatched second with 66. And on top it was Something Obscene and Inscrutable with 72 points.

Tonight, we’re moving on to the Up & Under on Brady street. It will be none other than Lewis, who oddly enough, also spent his teen years pretending to use a wheelchair, at the helm. He’ll be firing off fifty top-notch questions and encouraging you to have just one or two more PBRs. If this sounds like something you might be into, get yourself to the Up & Under tonight. The show starts at 7pm.

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