Jeopardy Doubles

I was going to start by saying it’s the Madison teams’ time to shine, but we’ve got bigger fish to fry (Lent jokes for all you cafflicks). I mean sure we could talk about how Drink Tickles did break the 100-point mark last week, or how Clementines showed up from out of nowhere and nabbed third place while playing under the name It’s Been a Minute. I wasn’t fooled by fake moustache/nose/glasses combo, Clementines. We could even talk about how Laura Dern and the Low Rise Jeans are currently on top of the league, but we’re only two weeks deep so I’m sure that will slide.

What are are talking about is Trivia Mercenary. That’s right! Dom, the only player to win while playing solo in Madison was on Jeopardy last Monday. I could have been more on my game and alerted everyone beforehand, but c’mon how is your daily 30 with Alex T not a standard. The only excuse I find acceptable is that this is the second trivia player from the Glass Nickel shows to be on Jeopardy this month. It’s almost cliche by now.

Anyway, Dom gets on national TV and doesn’t plug Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia at all, which I understand. But he did reveal that he was the Skip of the University of Oklahoma curling team–the only curling team south of like, Manitoba State University. That is a solid-ass CV point. The dude probably doesn’t even fuck with a resume. He just submits a picture of himself wearing the ornamental robes of a proper skip in Sooners colors, and then another of him wearing his letterman’s jacket playing chess with Anita Hill, Olivia Munn and the ghost of Slim Richey. Sooners for life!

So, if you want to match wits against as many as three former Jeopardy players, or maybe even some Clementines, I suggest you get to Glass Nickel Pizza on Atwood tonight. Jake will  artisanally pour you a few beers, Simon will pizzeria-style deliver you some pizza or maybe a calzone, and I will devolve into drunkeness as I fire off 50 questions.

If this sounds like your scene, I suggest finding us in the basement. The show starts at 7pm. See you then.     

Valentine’s Day

Happy Valentine’s Day ya filthy animals!

Yesterday, I came in here bagging on the miniscule overlap of Up & Under trivia players and Olympics watchers. I wasn’t thinking ahead 24 hours. I hadn’t even considered the even smaller intersection of Valentine’s Day romantics and Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Players. I mean certainly we’re talking about 2-3 people. TOPS.

Even those of us with Signif. Ots. are probably looking to get out for a bit. Tonight, I am taking my 6-month old daughter to Water Wizards swimming lessons. This is a child who really has minimal control over her arms and legs and I’m going to toss her into a pool under the assumption of a lifeguard on duty. And this somehow seems like a better option than romance.

Then again, maybe there are those people who use trivia as a romantic icebreaker. That seems like a solid move to me. If in my younger days a potential partner had said to me, “You look like the kind of person who might be into trivia, you wanna join our team?” I would have stuttered and stammered out an affirmative answer, but then later I would have gotten super nervous and probably stood up them and their entire team. Instead, choosing to crush a sixer of Sierra Nevada, because nothing says, “eeeeehhh, beer, I guess. Whatever.” like Sierra Nevada, and 15 Taco Bell double deckers. Only to then hate myself and smoke a carton of cigarettes for my life choices.

Anyway, you see where this is going, right? It’s not a heading a good direction. So let’s turn around this hunk-of-junk spaceship we call living and set a course to guaranteed good times.

That means getting to Tracks Tavern tonight to play Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Classics. Your main man, Celebrity Guest Host Andy Berg will be firing off the questions, while the Tracks crew will be tossing out plenty of beers and cocktails and even some waffle fries to share, if you do need a touch of romance. No reservations required, but I would suggest getting there early enough to grab a table.

The show starts at 7pm. See you there.

Coming to You Live From Pyeongchang

Let’s pretend for a minute there is a vast overlap in the trivia players at the Up & Under and those who are REALLY into the Olympics. Can you imagine the choice one would have to make tonight.

“Hmmm, do I watch NBC deliver another night of zero biathlon or curling coverage and 25 hours of dumb figure skating? Or do I go to the U&U, plow down a few fizzies, answer some trivia questions and have a good time?”

It’s not even a question. You get your ass to the U&U for Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia tonight. And before you go I would suggest maybe studying up on Ida B. Wells, whiskey and beach volleyball. For real, those are the clues I’m tossing out, so you know the rest of the rounds are going to be, as they say on the streets, “Okay”.

As always there will be plenty of drinks to go round and your boy Lewis, who once medalled in the Dormitory Olympics giving Topliff it’s first ever gold in table tennis, before someone yelled, “Hey, he’s not even a student at Dartmouth!” and was then chased from town by car full of tuffs blasting Yakety Sax, will be firing off 50 questions.

All you have to do is show up. The show starts at 7pm. See you there.

Cuckolded by Christ

We’ve got a straight-up head-to-head showdown this week. Can one of the Madison teams do what Milwaukee could not? Will we see a team go over 100 points tonight, or will the capital city sputter out?

The first obstacle will be topping Who Pooped in the Pool with their emotional journey to 20 points and last place. Sure, other teams may score more points, but no one can score more love for trivia. Does that even make sense?

I would think certainly someone will be able to top The Whispering Goat Whore who put up a mere 35 points the other night. Then again, I’ve seen some really trash scores stink up the whole room at Glass Nickel. I don’t even want to talk about Tunnelsnakes, who switched locations and still brought one too many players. You guys couldn’t conveniently forget to to tell someone on the team you were playing elsewhere? Instead you closed out the night with 38 points.  

Trump/Pence 2016 scored 40 points. That’s more than our dump-ass president’s approval rating, but not nearly enough to win. Now, you take that name and throw it in the river. Shiva Kamini had an uncommonly low score with 47 points, allowing Brady Bunch to slip into third place with 49. There’s Something About Mary Magdalene nabbed second with 61 points and makes me feel better about growing up reading the New Testament like it was letters-to-the-editor in a filth mag.

Dear god, I never thought these stories were true, until it happened to me. I was going to JC’s tomb to rub some oils on his body, maybe squeeze in a quick necro-sesh, but when I got there the tomb was empty.  Then I saw Jesus and he wasn’t even dead anymore, so I knew shit was going to get freaky. Of course, I was ready to get down to it, but he forbade me from touching him. Instead, I had to sit in the corner of the tomb and watch Thomas finger-blast him. Believe me when I say. the son of god wasn’tt the only thing that had risen that day.

Anyway, I’m sure my contributions to this new religion will be scrubbed in the future, so I just wanted to let you know it miracles can happen to you. Thanks byeeeee, Mary Magdalene

And in first place in Milwaukee it was Trivia Newton John with their 71 points.

Tonight it’s Madison’s chance to show off their smarts. There will be a room full of brainiacs in the house, but if the top spot is yours for the taking you need to get to Glass Nickel Pizza on Atwood. Simon and Jake will be slinging pizzas and drinks and I’ll be serving up all sorts of hot questions. As always, we’ll be in the basement and the show starts at 7pm. See you there.

For Your Consideration

Scene. The host, wearing a Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia tee shirt, strolls through a field. It’s sunny. There is a soft focus filter in use  

Host 
Oh, hello there. I’m glad you decided to join me in this field before heading to Tracks to night for Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Classics.

B-roll of a bumblebee landing on a flower. Soft music plays. It’s not good and even the average listener things they could have maybe done without the ukulele.

Host
Before you go to the show tonight, it’s important to know what is and isn’t a classic. Certainly that’s a classic.

The host motions off screen and the camera pans to a Citroen 2CV with Françoise Hardy at the wheel before cutting back to the host.

Host 
Think of the scene in Jaws when Richard Dreyfuss as Matt Hooper says, “We’re going to need several more boats of this size or larger if we hope to stand a chance against Jaws.” Another classic.

Host bends down and picks up a softball-sized rock.

Host
Or what about the timeless prank where you throw a brick through someone’s window, then grab whatever valuables you can carry and get out as quickly as you can? A classic for sure.

More B-roll. This time it’s a frog jumping from a lily pad.

Host
But there are other kinds of classics as well. Like the Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia show tonight at Tracks. You see, the crew at WHT has over 10,000 questions in their catalogue and for Wednesday night shows they find some of their favorites and revisit them. Trust me when I say the questions still seem brand new, because everyone forgets the questions and certainly the answers within moments anyway.

And because it’s at Tracks there will be plenty of great food, plenty of drinks to choose from and the smiling face of Celebrity Guest Host Andy Berg. I gotta say, I think this show has the potential of becoming a classic-classic.

So get a team together and get to Tracks Tavern on the corner of Humboldt and Locust tonight. We’ll be in the back room, and the show starts at 7pm. See you there.

Host crouches down to smell the plants in the field, this when we notice he’s been walking in a field of marijuana, and considering we appear to be in a moderate rainfall region better suited for prairie grasses and wildflowers, this shit looks primeau. The camera pans up and to the left where a committee of vultures is circling sky. Fade out.

Six Days Deep into February

Oh these February Doldrums. How many days has it been now since you were last outside for more than a minute? Four or five days? Maybe six? Does it even matter when the outside world is dead and frozen and the calendar lies to you because certainly February is the longest month?

Your best hope for survival is to get out of the house and down to a local watering hole. Shift your imagery now from the frozen Wisconsin winter and picture a literal watering hole on the Serengeti. Wildebeests stacked three deep looking to get that sip-sip. A few gazelles just over here doing those crazy hops. Maybe perhaps a rockadile or hiphopopotamus. A flock of dikdiks flying over head. The whole cast of The Lion King is getting down with some H2O, when your trivia host shows up, totally a giraffe.

That’s exactly how it’s going to happen tonight at Up & Under. Tonight’s questions are coming at you compliments of Lewis, a giraffe who was expelled in 5th grade for making a replica of H.H. Holmes Murder Castle with working gas valves and sub-basement room full of hungry rats. He’s going to be cover such topics as Sports Cars, The Seven Wonders of the World, and the History of the DSM.

If you think tonight is your night to shine. I suggest getting to the on Brady Street in Milwaukee tonight. The show starts at 7pm. See you there.

Also, dikdiks aren’t birds.

Typical Groundhoggery

Groundhog Day came early last night for the trivia players at Glass Nickel Pizza. And by that I mean Hannah popped her head in and said to everyone, “Ha ha! 6 more weeks of losing MFers!”

So maybe it wasn’t the best start to a league most of the teams have ever seen. I mean, Good Enough was clearly counting on some team to show up and do worse than them, but with 29 points they snagged the coveted last spot. Trojan Whores, an all new team, put up 48 points for a solid performance. Clever Girl brought in back-up but it clearly wasn’t their night. Drink Tickets for Tickles landed safely in the center with 66 and Le Spoony Bards set off on another adventure in mediocrity by securing fourth place with 73 points.

 

Trivia Mercenary, playing solo again, put together a 77 point game. What makes that score even more impressive is that he scored all 77 points by round four, or something like that. Neal of Fortune claimed second with 81 points and as previously alluded to, it was Laura Dern and the High-Necked Waistlines taking first place with 88 points.

 

The good news is the league is long and it’s still any team’s for the taking. The even better news is that today is Caitlin’s Jeopardy premiere. If you’re in Madison, it airs at 4:30 on the NBC affiliate. Milwaukee, we’re talking about Philo Farnsworth’s magic talky picture box, someday you will have such technology. I have know idea when Jeopardy is broadcast in Milwaukee. 

Let the Leagues Begin!

Sometimes I get it all wrong. I’m not afraid to admit it. Just look at last week. I counted Neal of Fortune out long before the match even started. I said Laura Dern and the High-waisted Necklines stood zero chance without Hannah. And I claimed it was going to be Good Enough’s week.

Then Good Enough comes in and stacks up a team with 8 players. It’s like they have no respect for points. C’mon Good Enough, get your piping in order. Then NOF and Dern took the first and second spots. It’s like you’re trying to make me look bad.

The good news is all of the ends, and it ends tonight. We’re kicking off the late-winter league, which means points are cumulative from now until the end of March. It also means the ticketing system for drinks is back in action, which I’m sure will please the creepers on Tickles For Nickels.

To kick off the league we’ve got some solid round coming out. You wanna talk about Ursula K. Le Guin? We can do that tonight. Or maybe you want to flex your knowledge on Superbowl ads of yore? Well, I know just to place to do that. Or maybe Nordic Cuisine is your thing? If so, I suggest being at Glass Nickel Pizza on Atwood tonight. We’ll cover all of this and more, all you have to do is show up.

The questions start at 7pm in the basement. See you there.

Blind on Blind

A lot of heat coming in over the last two days because someone wasn’t putting up trivia posts. Like we don’t have lives to live and jobs to do. Like we ain’t got merger and acquisitions to merge and acquizish. That’s something you do with job, right?  

Still, the players were heated. Tunnelsnake Leslie threw a rock through my window with a note that read, “WTFuck MFer? No Clues? You can’t give out the three clues for the week? I’ll burn your goddamned house down. How’s that for a clue? Asshole. xoxo, Tunnelsnake Leslie”

Lesson learned.

Nonetheless, Tunnelsnakes still took second place at Company Brewing. Giving up the top spot to Nick-Elback, but topping Tupper Tea(Totaler), Irish Soul, Ursula K. le Guinter is Coming, What About Bob Loblaw’s Law Blog, and Leg Day. And the Tuesday night crowd survived as well, with Shiva Kamini besting Trivia Newton John, Who Pooped in the Pool, and Whispering Goat Whores.

Now we move on to Tracks Tavern for another round of Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Classics. The teams here show up, week after week, with no clues. Even if I tossed clues to them they would probably gouge their eyes out like the back room of the Tracks just reappeared after seven lost years and is now in orbit around Neptune.

So if you’re thinking you looking for a second serving of Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia, or even if this is your first of the week, you’ll want to join Celebrity Guest Host Andy Berg in the backroom of Tracks Tavern tonight.

The show starts at 7pm. See you then.  

Week 4 at the GNP

And now it’s Madison’s turn to face the wrath of Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia week four.

I can tell you this about tonight’s showdown, Good Enough is on the prowl. Like the recently declared extinct eastern cougar used to be, which some of you might know as a catamount, or the ghost cat (not to be confused with Ghost Dog: Way of the Samurai starring Jet Li and Forest Whitaker), used to be. The occasionally overloaded team is ready to take a win, and tonight might be the night to do it.

To better understand why, let’s look at the other teams. Laura Dern and Her High-Waisted Pants and High Necked Dresses could go either way. They might run the table with you fools, or they might scratch out by round three. Neal of Fortune will be playing with a handicap as Alex and Gabe are off somewhere watching some musician make music from an era after chamber music, but before music was good. This is as close to a handicap as this team ever really gets, so consider that when placing bets.

Tickles for Nickels is not to be counted out, especially if they run in with the Tickles for Nickels expansion pack. Clever Girl as been dipping in and out of podium spots for a few weeks and is due for a top notch finish. And what of the teams that pop in and out, the Guess Harders, Fish Ladies, The Radioactive Tigers, Lady Posse or Hello Clitty –any one of them could show up to take it.


Of course, there is always Spoony Bards. You can liken this team to diabetes or carbon monoxide or a ninja, but what you need to know is they are the silent killers.

So, can Good Enough make tonight their night? We’ll find out soon enough. If you want to see it in person, or foil their attempt. I suggest you join me, Jake and Simon in the basement of the Glass Nickel tonight.

The show starts at 7pm. See you there.

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