Texas Don’t Want You Anyway


If there is one thing we’ve learned from the crowd at the Up & Under, it’s that Texas isn’t for everyone. The disconnect become most clear when the teams there had to run through ten categories not really even tangentially related to the trivia they know and love, or at least seem to like.

The teams at the Up & Under show up, week after week, not for the broken promise of some other host in serape, or to hear about the time some dad in salmon chinos roasted me in an elevator for 19 floors because I was wearing the exact same pair of sunniegees as his 12-year-old daughter. They come to hear the ranting and raving of Celebrity Guest Host Andy Berg. They want to hear the wisecracks from Lewis, the astronomer who was with Vera Rubin when she confirmed the existence of dark matter in the 1970s, but Lewis, back then, he was a party boy and he said, “Dark matter, more like don’t matter”, then he dropped the needle a MC5 record and trashed the place. Heavy times for sure.

It’s antics like that, people have come to expect at the Up & Under shows. So it’s no wonder 3 Guys on a Fact Hunt walked away with a win last night after only scoring 63 points. Or that Whispering Goat Whores would only score 59 points, and still be good enough for second place. And Bowser Domino, moving up in the world to third place. They still only scored 56 points, because, frankly, they don’t give a fuck about Texas. As for The Stallions, while they may seem to have a western-themed name, these MFers weren’t in the place to learn about Texas. No, no. They came to win and instead they left with 22 points.

Of course there is always going to be the outlier. You would know this if you spent 10,000 hours reading Malcolm Gladwell books. And Who Pooped in the Pool seems to be that outlier in this situation. They scored 52 points playing Texas trivia, and that’s four times as many points as they have ever scored before.


The good news is, it’s all back to normal next week.

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