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The Rise of Tunnel Snakes

Archer

You know, as a trivia host and the primary p/recappist people always often as ask me, “Do you have a favorite team?” And, “I heard the sex parties at Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Global Headquarters and Rap Emporium and Academy of Trivia Arts are fucking bonkers. Is that true?”

To which I typically say, “I would like to answer your second question first. As you know, for thousands of years, probably hundreds of thousands, the human body has mastered techniques for attracting potential mates. A strong jawline, a butt shaped like the peach emoji, a complete catalog of the works of Jon Spencer Blues Explosion–say what you will about the band’s cover of Right Place Wrong Time, at least it’s a commitment to something, or anything. Trivia skills have never been one of those features. But if it’s pleasure you seek, there are some exposed wires in the stairwell that will put you back like five feet. As for a favorite team. I don’t know. The Smartinis seemed cool. Three Guys on a Fact Hunt seem alright. The Spoony Bards have been trash since Molly left. I would say no.”

All that said I was so hyped to see the way the scores at Tracks shook out last night. Beerology didn’t take a deduction for being overloaded, which is good because they only scored 36 points. The extra player deduction would have crushed them. The Demogorgon put up 51 points, so they are moving up in the world.

After that it all gets ugly. The Calamity Crew scored 74 points, but then lost 10 points for having extra players. THEN they added one extra point and ended the night with 65. Tits & Giggles scored 53 points but then dropped 13 drink tickets for 66 and just barely got into third place. Gilmore Girls Gone Wild had 65, then played three points worth of drink tickets and ended the night with 68 points and second place. Finally, it was the  who scored 69 points dropped a superfluous 12 points worth of drink tickets and walked out with 81 points and first place. It’s about time, Tunnel Snakes.

As far a leagues go, The Tracks Tavern looks like this:

Gilmore Girls Gone Wild 26

Tits & Giggles 22

Tunnel Snakes 20

The Demogorgon 10

Beerology 8

Wilson Sans Wilson 4

Calamity Crew 2

Little Lebowski Urban Achievers 1

 

(I hope you’re happy, Kate)
So now we move on to Madison. Who’s going to walk out the winners tonight? Who’s going to order extra cheese on their pizza? Can I possible have more than 1 drink before I fall apart in front of everyone? If you want to know the answers to these questions, or if you just want to play some trivia, you’ll want to be at Glass Nickel Pizza on Atwood tonight. The show starts at 7pm. See you there.

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