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The Tracks Finale!

Baby Trump

 

3 Guys on a Fact Hunt. Say it with me now. Tres Chicos en una Caza de Hechos. These ice cold MFers are making a hard run at the league champions. Sure, they won with 88 points last night, but that’s not the whole story. Moonbats, a strong team in their own right, grabbed second with only 65 points. That means Tres Chicos scored 33% more points than their nearest competitor. That is some Serena Williams-level of crushing right there. Off Constantly aka The Putin Pops nabbed an unexpected third place and pushed The Whispering Goat Whores into fourth place. Perhaps the WGW should stick to playing with only one person, so they could get more than 45 points. Then it was Aqua Magma: Here to Fuck Up the Scoring, who scored 39 points and fucked the scoring so much that Bowser-Domino was only able to score 37 points. Rough night at the Up & Under.

Tonight we’re heading over to Tracks for their league finals, but first I have to recap last week’s show because apparently I’m not allowed to take a day off. Like all you Tracks players don’t feel some obligation to write seven-page diatribe about the ending of The OA, when really you should be focusing on the entire series.

Anyway, last week, Nursing Skool’d showed up again, scored 3 points and, if they knew what was good for them, went directly back to the nursing library to learn some facts. Moving way up from there, all the way into double digits, it was Amanda Sucks For Being A Concert who put up 48 points. Then, Demogorgonzola aka Cabrales Diablos aka Blue Cheese Black Soul scored 58 points but found themselves foiled by drink tickets. Beerology dropped enough tickets to get up to 60 points. Gilmore Girls Gone Wild ended up with 69 points and third place. Tits & Giggles laid down some drink tickets for a total of 84 points. But in the end, it was Tunnel Snakes with a clean 87 point win. That is utter domination. I’m so proud of our Tunnel Snakes.

Now, that third place finish by Gilmore Girls Gone Wild sets up a bruiser of a final for tonight’s league ender. They slipped in the league rankings to number two. GGGW has 51 points, while Tits and Giggles has 52. Yes, that is only one point. But that’s one Tits and Giggles point. You really think that is going to come easily?

It gets a little airier going to down the rest of the list. Tunnel Snakes are at 43, Demogonzola is at 26, Beerology is at 18, Wilson Sans Wilson has seven, Nursing Skool’d has four, Amanda Sucks and Alternative Tracks have three, while Little Lebowski Urban Achievers and Big P both have one point.

The final happens tonight. If you want to see how it all shakes out, you’ll need to be at Tracks Tavern. Bring your friends, at least the smart ones, grab some food and drinks and watch the teams duke it out for Tracks supremacy. The show starts at 7pm.

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