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This is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

I’ve never seen Pretty Woman, but I have seen The Girl Next Door, starring Elisha Cuthbert, which I often confuse for She’s All That (another film I’ve never seen) and I know at one point Rachel Leigh Cook’s character in the last film says “I feel just like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman.” Which is something I bet new sex workers get really excited to say, but it instantly outs them as newbs to all the seasoned sex workers (SSWs) in the museum.

Anyway, the lesson to be learned from that scene is that when you’re trying to turn out someone new, you can’t take them anywhere nice. That’s the hard lesson Nick learned last night at Company Brewing. No sooner had he and the teams settle in, than the team that derives it’s name from the Demogorgon breaks out this name “We’re Gonna Demogorgonna Find Out Who Carries This Team”.

I guess we should have suspected this kind of substandard effort in the naming department at some point–it has been like 17 weeks of bangers from this crew. But for real, Demogorgon, why did you have to break out this punny crap-hackery the day we kick off at the new location? We need A-names right now. Next time you’re hard up for a name, use one of these:

  • Demogorgondolas in Canals of Mars
  • We sent it to the A+R guy from Arista records and he loved our Demogorgon. Also we’re a band, our name is Muscle Tease
  • Demogorgong: Skull Island

Anyway they scored 39 points. Beerology put up 58 points, but Tunnel Snakes Global Mining and Terrestrial Exploration Concern, Inc. eked by them with 59 on the big board. In first place, it was Gilmore Girls Gone Wild who crushed the new spot with 98 points. All very exciting. And we’ll be back next week.

Now it’s time to move on to the Up & Under on Brady street to see how those teams decided to step it up in the name game. If you want to get in on that mix, you have to be ready for Celebrity Guest Host Andy Berg and Lewis, the man who first pitched the not-quite interesting theory of “What if, in Ferris Bueller’s Day off, Sloane Peterson never existed”. It starts tonight at 7pm.

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