Week 2 Recap

It’s been a minute since I’ve handled a proper recap, so let’s just jump right into it. The basement of Glass Nickel Pizza was about to burst at the seams. Not unlike my own clothes on the account of the 700 pounds I’ve put on since the birth of my daughter, but that is beside the point.

There was only one new team, Cherry Bitch. If you couldn’t tell from that name, they were a team on the edge. They lived fast and died young. They actually died somewhere around category seven and walked out, ending their night with 12 points. Ahead of them it was The Shitholeans who racked up 22 points. Let me tell you something about Los Shitholeans–Never have I seen a team so close on so many answers. That picture in WTF? They insisted it was Judith Slaying Holofernes. SLAYING. Meanwhile Caitlin and Alex polished their shared monocle and said “Actually, it’s Judith Beheading Holofernes by Caravaggio. We’ve got a collective 17 degrees in various forms of art and art history, so do not fuck with us. There is nothing we know as well as art.” Then Alex stops but Caitlin continues, whispering, “Except the sweet Canadian musk of Alex Trebek in person.” Caitlin is creepy as hell sometimes.

Tickles for Nickels scratched together 36 points, but got topped by Good Enough. This is the team that has been requesting Stargate since they first arrived. So then I drop some Stargate: Knowledge on them and they tell me they specifically meant SG-1. Like Stargate: Atlantis, Continuum and Penetration have no weight in the Stargate universe. Canon snobs. Good Enough nabbed 37 points, after taking their extra-player deduction.

Friends Without Borders, landed themselves squarely in mediocrity with 39 points. This, after last time they showed up, stood on a table and yelled, “S my D MFers” then took first place. Well, Who’s S-ing Ds now FWBs?

Clever Girl put up 47 points. If I were them I would have walked out after the first round came up as The Knights Templar. It only went downhill from there. Also at 47 points was Social Animals who got docked 30 for extra players, but proved themselves to be a solid team of contenders if they could drop the dead weight (YOU KNOW WHO I’M TALKING ABOUT). Bitch Planet decided to grace us with her presence and tossed up 58 points on a solo mission. Neal of Fortune put together a 60 point game for third place. Somehow Spoonday, Bardy Spoonday has maintained a level of cool among the chaos, sliding their way onto the podium for the past few weeks and taking second place last night with 70 points.

Then it was Laura Dern and the High-necked Dresses taking the top spot with 90 points. Of course, that’s 90 points with Hannah on board, which is like 25 points without. Hannah is the Aaron Rodgers of trivia. Which I guess makes me Mike McCarthy. Imagine my office for a moment, VHS tapes of old trivia games playing on a loop like that video from The Ring. mountains of Arby’s wrappers all over the place. A couple half-eaten Beef-n-Cheddar sammies. Countless puddles of melted Jamocha shake. And a stack of maybe 35 Curly Fries containers. It shouldn’t surprise you that those are empty. You know I’m pouring those into my mouth, using that rigid cardboard sleeve as a funnel to be sure I get every last morsel of deep fried goodness. I am a disgusting human being. Suddenly, by landline phone rings and a voice says, “Seven Days.” Which means we’ll do it all again next week.

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